Halloween (Generic though it may be)

Last year for Halloween, Sidekick didn't dress up.  What's the point?  He was 3 1/2 months old, but I at least put him in skeleton PJs.  After Halloween last year, I went to a Halloween store to see what costumes were on sale.  I was shocked at how expensive they were!  What happened to home-made costumes like we wore???  I feel like these "costumes-in-a-bag" make Halloween less exiting. How many Supermans, Belles, Spidermans, and Cinderellas can there be?  It's all so generic now and it bums me out because when I was a kid, I loved coming up with my Halloween costume and seeing how creative people got.  I must admit that I purchased Sidekick's costume (for a great price), but I wanted to find one that was appropriate for who he is, and lo and behold, I found a Sock Monkey costume!  Sidekick's bedroom is designed around Sock Monkeys, my baby shower had Sock Monkeys, his 1st birthday was all about Sock Monkeys, and his Christmas stocking is Sock Monkey material, so this costume was fitting.  I'm pretty sure we'll be Sock Monkyed out after this, but for today, it's perfect, and his costume was a hit when I dropped him off at school.



Since Sidekick goes to sleep so early (7:00), Trick or Treating will be up in the air.  We are going to meet some friends and see how long he makes it.  Hopefully he'll have so much fun that we'll make it to more than a few houses.  Last year, we went out with friends just to hang out with them, and Sidekick cried through the three houses we visited because it was past his bedtime.  Even at 3 1/2 months old, he was a scheduled kid. I'm hoping for better success tonight!

It's so much fun to see holidays and kid related experiences through my son's eyes.  It just makes life that much more special. 

Two Years ago Today...

... I conceived Sidekick.  It's a date I'll always remember.  I was out of sperm (after this try), out of patience, out of hope, and out of my mind!  I was so done after this try.  I triggered the night before I ran a half marathon, and after every couple of miles, I had a talk with my eggs (yes, there was more than one), to not jiggle out until the next morning when my IUI was scheduled.  I was so worried they'd come loose after running 13.1 miles. 

I walked in to the RE the next morning for my eighth, and what was going to be my last, time.  I just never thought that this "last" one would actually take.  My goal was to be pregnant by the time I was 38, and this IUI was 17 days before that big day.  I had wacky betas and had to deal with unexpected news.  To catch up on the craziness, follow this link:

I Must be in a Dream

Happy two year conception, Sidekick!

One Day Old and I was Already in Love

Envy

I sometimes look at families with a mom, a dad, and child(ren) with envy when Sidekick and I are out and about.  I think I notice it more now because we do more fun things now that Sidekick is walking.  I've always said I can't imagine having a husband with whom to share parenting, and I mean that. I really do. I don't know any differently and with family living in different states, it's just been me and Sidekick with the occasional visit from Grandma. Of course I'd love having the nuclear family, but I can't even wrap my head around that idea. What would it be like to be able to skip feeding Sidekick a meal every once in a while, to not have to change his diaper, and to actually sleep in one morning while someone else fed him breakfast?  I realize that the Mom typically does most of the work anyway, but there are times when I would just like to have an extra set of hands even if it's just to play with Sidekick while I run to the store alone. 

One time when Sidekick was a newborn and napping, I grabbed my keys and started walking out of my home to go to the store.  For whatever brief moment, I felt single and free again and completely forgot I had a baby sleeping.  Oops!  I don't even think I can blame that on sleep deprivation. I had been trapped for days with a newborn and so felt isolated that I think I may have drifted back into my "before baby" days and yearned for that time of my life for just a brief moment.  It was at that moment when I really realized how different it is to be a single mom because I. Couldn't. Go. Anywhere. Alone. at that moment (or anytime Sidekick is sleeping). Apparently, it is frowned upon to leave a child at home alone, even if he is sleeping.  : )

When I see these families, there is a little tug at my heartstrings. I wish I had someone with me to partake in all of the "firsts", laugh with me as we laugh at Sidekick, relish in this amazing little guy "we" made, rub my shoulders one night after a long day, and just help me in whatever capacity possible.  But I have to remind myself that I wanted a baby under any circumstance which was obviously more than I wanted a husband.  I have zero regrets.  Truly.  I'm happier now than I ever have been in my life, but sometimes my heart hurts, and I worry that Sidekick will never experience a "real" family with a Mommy, Daddy, and sibling. But just like I don't know any differently, neither will Sidekick.  This is our family, and there are many different families around us. 

I also have to remind myself that not all families are happy families.  What I see on the exterior is not necessarily an accurate portrayal of who they really are.  I have friends in my life who are unhappily married and that makes me sad.  I have friends who argue with their spouses all the time, and I feel sorry for the kids who are exposed to that.  At the end of the day, life is about happiness and fulfillment, and Sidekick contributes to that to my life in such a big way.  Not to intentionally quote a movie, he has completed me. 

Envy... even when we are happy, we can always find something about which to be envious.  During those times, I have to remind myself how thankful I am that Sidekick chose me to be his mommy.  I think he made a great choice.  We are a great team and an incredible family filled with love, laughter, and happiness.  Sometimes I need to remind myself of this when the green Envy Monster clouds my head and clogs my heart. 

(And then of course there is the envy of the two parent financial aspect of raising children, but that's another posting.) 

Singing Potty

Sidekick is only 15 months old, but for whatever reason, when going down the diaper aisle and the potties were right there, I decided to get one since they were staring me in the face.  Later that night, I put Sidekick on the potty for shits (haha) and grins and lo and behold, he peed!  Since I didn't really have him sitting in the "right" position for the splash guard to do it's job, most of his pee ended up on the floor (oh well!), but I still cheered and he clapped (not really understanding what all of the commotion was about).  Since then, he'll walk to the bathroom door and scream until I open it to let him in.  He walks in, lifts the lid, and sits on his potty.  I don't bother taking his diaper off, but who cares if he sits on it.  I'm kind of shocked he's interested in it.

Last night I put him on it before bath, and we sang some songs.  Next thing I knew, the potty started singing songs and scared the crap (haha!) out of us!  Since Sidekick kind of missed the splash guard the first time, we didn't get to experience the music which goes off when liquid hits the sensor.  Since I didn't know that he had actually peed while singing my goofy rendition of "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes", I was shocked that the potty started singing. We kind of stared at each other freaked out.  I was afraid that Sidekick was now afraid of the potty, but after bath, he wanted to sit on it again, so I think he and Potty are still friends. 

For 11 years, I have said to Dog, "Let's got potty" before taking her outside.  My furry child and my human child are now starting to respond to that.  My poor dog is going to think that we are going to be going outside a lot.  It doesn't matter what room we are in when I say that to Sidekick, Dog comes running!  Poor Dog gets so excited when she hears those words, and even when I whisper things, her bat ears hear them also.  : (

Who knows if this is a fluke, but I'm going to keep putting him on the potty every night before bath to see if he really "gets" it. 

Sidekick is ALL Boy!

I love that Sidekick is all boy!  I love that he has no fears, loves to wrestle, and now I've found out, he loves to get dirty.  My sister gave me her amazing camera when she bought a new one, and I've been so intimidated by it and all it's functions that I haven't really used it.  Last night was a beautiful night, so we went outside to play, and I let him have fun, explore, and get dirty. I found that it's much more fun to take pictures of him now that he actually does things like... move around!  : )  Surprisingly, I ended up with a few good pics (below).  I guess using a good camera requires a lot of practice (and patience with a 15 month old).  Maybe I'll go out and try again tonight.  I have to figure out why some pictures were darker than others, how to get the flash to go off when needed, how to edit, etc.  Now I have another thing on my long list of things to do. 
 


Throwing mulch and sticks (you can't really see it all in his hair)



Digging in the Dirt like a Dog (I think he needs a non-furry sibling). 
See the dirt in the air under his butt??? 



Showing his independence and walking away
(although still looking back for his momma!)

"Stuff I'm Reading" Category

I finally figured out how to add everyone's blog that I read regularly to my blog!  I found most of the blogs I now follow by looking at what other blogs "you" read, and I figured out how to add the blog titles to my blog.  I'm a little slow, what can I say.  : )  So now my "regulars" are showing up on my blog. It's the little things I accomplish that make me happy.

On a different note... I threw my hat in the mix for a position in Chicago at my company.  I'm originally from Chicago, moved here for a guy, once guy and I broke up, I decided to stay anyway.  Going back would be nice, but the logistics of a big, potentially fast move seems overwhelming.  Who knows what'll happen.  I would need a pretty big raise to be able to afford buying a home there and pay for daycare since the cost of living is so low here, so it probably won't work, but at least I am exploring the option.  Either way, it's all good.  One never knows where life will take him/her.

One way or the other, I'm hoping to move soon!  Come on, Buyer, make me an offer!

Just Call Him Cyclops

It's never good when school shows up on my caller ID, especially since he was out the week before with Hand Foot and Mouth.  Our conversation went something like this:

Me:  "Oh no, don't call me!"  (I typically answer the phone like this when they call.)
School:  "He's not sick."  (phew!)  "But he fell on his head and has a pretty bad bump.  We tried to ice it and he fought us."  (I totally know what this means because when I've had to pin him down to apply ice, he turns into the Exorcist baby.)
Me:  "What happened?"
School:  "He was pushing a xylophone and it got away from him, he landed on his forehead."  (Apparently, he was standing and bending down to push this toy so that his butt was in the air.)
Me:  "How bad it is?"
School:  "Pretty bad. He kind of looks like a unicorn."

I called the pediatrician's office just to make sure I don't need to be concerned that Sidekick grew a horn, and they said as long as he didn't lose consciousness and isn't vomiting, he's okay.  I called school back and was reassured that he's acting normal, so I kept him there. When I picked him up, I was told by many people that it looked so much better. (I can't even imagine what he had looked like.)  He had a massive goose egg that looked like he was growing a horn out of his head.  This is what it looked like the day after.  Yes, it looks better, but yikes!  I sure hope that bump (which you can't quite see) goes down.

My Memory is Already Fading

I loved being pregnant.  I had horrible insomnia the entire time, but I still felt great anyway.  I never napped (I never understood how pregnancy makes people tired). I ran up until I was about 6 1/2 months along, but I continued to work out until I delivered.  Okay... let me back track... I loved being pregnant after my horrible all day sickness ended at 15 weeks, but I digress. I loved my belly.  I loved people always talking to me just because I was pregnant.  I loved feeling proud that I was growing a human being in me.  I felt beautiful and healthy.  For some reason, I am already upset that I can't remember what being pregnant felt like.  My water broke at 38+6 which surprised everyone because I had an induction date scheduled as it appeared that Sidekick had no intentions of coming on his own.  He fooled us!
 
Because I had an induction date set for 40+2, I thought I had time to say goodbye to my pregnancy.  That sounds strange, I know, but since my water broke unexpectedly (and I waited six hours to go the L&D because I wasn't sure my water really broke since it was a trickle), I was very surprised.  I was planning on another 11 days with my little guy growing in me while I kept him safe. I was planning on having one last night out with my best friend getting a pedicure/manicure and eating a great dinner, but then my water broke that day, so I never got that last night out.  I remember every hour that I was in L&D from 3:00 PM until 8:48 AM the next morning when Sidekick joined the world. I remember pushing for 2 1/2 hours and how fast that 2 1/2 hours felt.  I remember everything getting pretty scary because Sidekick was stuck and we were approaching the 24 hour mark from when my water broke, so he needed to get out.  I remember getting so angry and determined to push him out so I wouldn't end up with a c-section.  I remember looking at him as soon as he was born and thinking that the sperm must have gotten mixed up because he looked like an African American baby since his skin was so dark. Ha!  (By the way, my mom and best friend thought the same thing but didn't tell me until the next day.)  I remember that moment when he was put into my arms and I fell in love with him.

But, I can't remember being pregnant! Granted Sidekick was a very calm baby and didn't move much at all, so oftentimes it felt like there wasn't anything growing/moving inside me. I was a happy pregnant woman who had no cravings and wasn't emotional, but I can't remember what it felt like with him growing in me.  Am I the only one?  He will be my only child (unless I get married soon, so I can afford another one), so I'm sad that I'll never experience that incredible feeling again... a feeling that I CANNOT remember! 

I'm sad about this, and I don't know why.  It's been 14 months, but sometimes I miss him growing inside me.  I miss that experience. I miss that sensation.  I miss wondering what he will look like and what his personality will be like.  I miss wondering if he'll be an easy baby or a difficult one. (I got so lucky!) I miss the wonder of it all, and if it wasn't for finances, I would be doing everything I could to experience it all over again.  I loved being pregnant.  I miss the feeling of being pregnant even though I can't remember it. 

Can you Hear That?

It's the sound of me cheering that Sidekick is going back to school tomorrow!  Woo-hoo!  Yay!  Yippee!  Sidekick survived a double ear infection and a horrible new strain of Hand Foot and Mouth, and I survived Sidekick!  We did it! 

That sound is also me cheering because when I put him on his feet at the playground yesterday, he took off walking!  What?!?!!  He's taken up to eight steps (whenever he felt like it which wasn't often), but yesterday he just kept going and going and going.  Did a light bulb turn on in his little head and he all of a sudden "got it"? Awesome!  He also learned to put his finger in the hole of the raspberry and eat it off his fingers. That's pretty much the only way he'll eat raspberries now.  Funny.

We had an open house today. While we were kicked out of our home, Sidekick, dog, and I went for a long walk at the park.  After about 30 minutes, Sidekick fell asleep so when our 2+ mile walk was done I sat in a gazebo and actually read book on my Kindle.  That poor Kindle has been neglected.  I would love to have gone further, but poor almost 11 year old dog was slowing down.  When I got home, I learned that eight people showed up to the open house... some of which might be really interested in my condo.  Come on, buyer!  Bring me an offer!  I'm waiting!

Even though Sidekick and I need to be separated after ten days (wow!  That was a long time), I still get sad that it's Sunday night, and I have to go back to my adult responsibilities and earn my keep.  Gosh darn it.  : )  

Help! The Walls are Closing in!

I am ready to lose my mind! We are on day five of Hand Foot and Mouth and a double ear infection, and I am feeling very claustrophobic in my home! This continues to spread and while it's looking better, it's still pretty nasty.

 

I'm trying to juggle work while keeping Sidekick out of trouble and it's exhausting. Thankfully the emails and phone calls for work have been far and few between so I can continue to send emails to customer prospecting business for 2014 and not have to field a lot of phone calls with Sidekick making noise in the background. Sidekick has been a trooper and continues to be in good spirits, but since he looks like he has some scary disease, the only time we are getting out is to take the dog for a walk. Today it's pretty hot, so our time outside will be short. I love him, but I need a break from him. This is one of those times when being a SMC with no family in the same state really sucks.

On a funny note, while I was sitting at my desk working, I had some lovely background music for quite a while compliments of Sidekick. I finally got up to look and this put such a smile on my face:

 

So here I sit wondering when I'll ever get to the grocery store, if I'll ever work out again, how I'll get ready for my open house on Sunday with a kid that follows behind me and destroys what I just cleaned, and how I'll survive four more days until I can take Sidekick back to school and get a break. It's all good though. Really it is.