Wednesday, February 24, 2016

A Plan for Sidekick

I last posted about Sidekick being sick again, and he had an appointment with the ENT a few days ago. For several months he's been failing hearing tests due to fluid in his ears.  I went to the appointment assuming he'd be getting tubes and walked out learning that he needs his tonsils and adenoid removed and tubes.  I was accepting of the fact that he would be under very light sedation for the tubes, but the tonsillectomy is a different story.  He will have to be put completely under for 45-60 minutes.  Here's where a normally chilled Momma becomes a completely paranoid Momma...

My friend's two year old son had surgery a couple of years ago.  The anesthesiologist messed up and my friend's son passed away. I know it was a fluke, but it happened.  It happened!  All I can think about is her son.  To make matters worse (if that's even possible), my friend's husband is a surgeon.  I mean seriously... wtf?  He operates all the time on people, and his son died.  I'm heartbroken for them.

Needless to say, I'm terrified about letting someone take my son and trusting him to keep him safe.  I told the doctor about what happened to my friend's son, and he look on his face was pure remorse.  He reassured me the anesthesiologists are good, and that he wouldn't stop keeping an eye on Sidekick. You don't think that my friend's husband got the best surgeon and anesthesiologist for his son that is no longer with them?  I can't even think about it because it brings tears to my eyes.

I know this is a very routine procedure (my friend's son's wasn't), but still... bad things happen. I scheduled surgery for March 21st.  I was hoping for the week before for work reasons, but there weren't any appointments available.  Sidekick will be out of school (daycare) for two weeks!!!  Geez!  So, with working with HR to figure out how much time I can take, and my mom coming in town on the tail end, I should be able to make this work.  Fortunately, I work out of my home, so I can do work, but I won't be able to get to customers until my mom is here.  Needless to say, I am taking some days off to take care of my boy, snuggle with him on the sofa, etc. without worrying about my job (that I'm not to happy with right now anyway.  See previous post.).  Yes, I can work from home while he is laying on the sofa watching TV, but I want to be 100% present for him with no distractions.

So... for just under four weeks, I will continue to worry.  I sure hope the next few weeks fly by so that my anxiety will stay at bay and not get the best of me.

For some good news... my carpet is being installed today in my basement!  After two months, it's finally complete, and I can put it together and begin using the space.  I'm so excited!!!

Thursday, February 18, 2016

I Thought I had it All Together

Just a week ago, I posted all the crap that had been going on, and that I thought I had worked through it and gotten my act together.  Nope!  Wishful thinking!  Sidekick spiked a fever Sunday night, which led to him being home from school an entire f'n week?  Why?  Because he had RSV and his fever got up to 104.3 and lasted four days.  Are you kidding me??!!! 

The life of a SMC when you have a sick kid with no family in the same state really sucks.  Really, really sucks.  The good news is, I work out of my home. The bad news is, I had sales presentations and meetings I needed to attend.  I don't have a big Village, primarily because I don't like to rely on people or ask for help.  Plus, who with kids wants to watch a super sick kid??  Uh, no one!  My colleague covered me for my big sales presentation, I turned a meeting into a webinar, and cancelled some other meetings.  His teacher, who works at noon, was going to cover him tomorrow so I can go to a team meeting, and at 6:15 tonight, she informed me that she has been called into work early.  Crap! Crap! Crap! 

This meeting isn't crucial, but what is crucial is my sanity. I absolutely need a break from Sidekick and need to be with adults to have adult conversation, even if it will be primarily work related.  Juggling sick Sidekick with a fulltime job has been a challenge. I'm so run down emotionally, mentally, and physically that I'm afraid I'm not going to survive the weekend with Sidekick.  I called and texted friends to see if anyone can help for a couple of hours tomorrow while I am at my meeting.  Sidekick's fever broke last night and he's doing fine.  I would cancel my meeting in a heartbeat and not put him with other kids if I thought he was still contagious.

School only charges 50% if he is out an entire week, which is why he's not going to school tomorrow.  I certainly didn't want to pay a full week's tuition for a few hours of care, and since I've already been billed for the week, I couldn't really bring him in. 

I am so grateful to my SAHM friend who has a son Sidekick's age and an almost one year old daughter.  My son gets to play with his friend, I get to be with adults, and all I have to do is bring lunch to my friend as a "thank you".

After that, Sidekick has his ENT appointment to see if he will need tubes.  His hearing is really getting worse, and his sick appointment earlier this week still showed a lot of fluid.  This boy has had fluid in his ears for over two months now.  Poor kid.  I really am hoping that the doctor will just recommend tubes (like the pediatrician suggested) since we have documentation that his ears haven't cleared in over two months.  Let's just add one more thing to my list of stuff to do! 

When it rains it pours.  Sidekick never gets sick, and he has gotten nailed with sickness the past six weeks. 

On a good note... my basement is moving along well and it will be finished by next weekend.  Hooray for the simple things!

Friday, February 12, 2016

Job Stress, Life Stress, and an Issue with Sidekick

I'm back!!!!!  Wow!  I can't believe it's been so long since I have written anything in my blog.  Life has been... well... pretty shitty workwise and busy with life in general. 
I've been with my company for 16 years, which I'm pretty proud of.  My company has been bought out so many times and has been under new management more times than I can remember.  We were at our national sales meeting in early January, and quite frankly, it sucked.  It was depressing. It was not what we needed.  It was not fun at all.  I hated every minute of it. What really sucks is that after Sidekick was so sick, I was so excited to get out of town, even if it was work related, but I sure hated where I was.

On September 1st, we were challenged to sell $150,000 of new business in Q4 (our slowest quarter), and the top ten account executives, would receive a $500 Visa gift card. I decided to play the game so I looked good, and I actually sold the required amount, which I took from my 2016 sales.  During the awards at the sales meeting, my manager stood up and said that apparently no one had qualified for that gift card.  I was PISSED!  I immediately told him I had, and he asked me to send him an email with "documentation" which I did.  Apparently, customers had to be billed by the 18th of December which was a Friday.  My customer sent their order in that morning, but the company didn't bill them until Monday, so I didn't win!  My manager has always been supportive and explained to his manager who he had in 2015 that it's not my fault the company did that.  Unfortunately, we are under new management again, and they don't seem to give a shit. So while I played the game to make myself look good and help the company, I got screwed and didn't get the gift card. That left a very sour taste in my mouth and I began to not really care.
Fast forward to a week ago, and we were given our sales goals.  Mine went up about $1.2 million, and our bonus structure is paying us $10,000 less. Does that make sense???  My manager explained to his manager that the company is setting us up for failure and that it is impossible his team will hit their number... not because we suck but because it's unreasonable.  My manager's manager is a slave driver.  He has no life, so he expects us to be on the road (I have a home office) five days a week and then do cost proposals, emails, etc. in the evening.  Is he freaking kidding?  I have a life and I don't get paid enough.  The company dynamics knocked me into a bit of a depression...
I became a shitty mom.  I mean to the point that Sidekick knew something was up.  I cried easily, and I could barely talk about work. I lost my patience with Sidekick and snipped at him often.  I was so overwhelmed with my job that I couldn't function.  I seemed to not be able to keep up.  It was horrible.  And then I realized I had to get a grip and focus on what is important... my family.  So Sidekick and I went out and enjoyed life!  We had two weekends of warm spells, so we went hiking.  Sidekick hiked 2 1/2 miles one day and didn't once ask for me to carry him.  At the end, he still wanted to play in the playground.  His energy is endless, and I love it!  He is confident, fearless, and a free spirit... all things I needed to remind myself to be.  Being out in nature with this amazing boy was just what I needed.


And then we shoveled snow, and played in it, and laughed, and then cozied up in front of the fireplace. I took it all in... the innocence of this sweet boy, his love for me, and his compassion and excitement for the world around. 

While all of that has been going on, my house has been a mess!  My unfinished basement has been under construction and will be finished in two weeks!  My office is in my bedroom, Sidekick's kitchen is in the kitchen, his tool bench is in the hallway next to my bedroom, and his train table is in his bedroom.  I am thankful that he doesn't have very many toys because I have not idea what I would do with all the crap.  And the dust... goodness gracious the dust that covers the floors, furniture, etc. I've given up on keeping it clean.  I cannot wait to put everything back together and have a warm, comfy, basement where my office will be, Sidekick's toys will all be, and our new, big TV will be.  Exciting times ahead. 
As if all of that wasn't keeping me busy, I've been dealing with Sidekick's hearing issue.  Through the school district, they do a developmental screening and he failed his hearing test on December 1st.  He retested a month later, and he failed again. We went to an audiologist, and he has been diagnosed with mild hearing loss.  We are hopeful that it a result of fluid in his ears, so we finally have an appointment with an ENT next Friday.  He can hear, but for months he's been saying he can't hear the music, TV, etc very well.  And within the past few weeks, he's been commenting that he hears a buzzing sound in his ears.  He also qualified for speech therapy through the school district.  Fortunately, the speech therapist will go to his school (daycare) once a week, and I don't have to pay for it.  He's having trouble with the "k" sound, which really sucks when your name starts with a C, and in my state, that means he can get speech therapy.  His speech therapist and I are wondering if the hearing issue is causing the speech issue.  I guess I'll know more after his appointment with the ENT next week. 
Seriously... I've had more on my plate this past two months than I ever have!  While I struggled with the decision to have only one child, the last two months I am so relieved that I only have one.  Juggling work, Sidekick's appointments, construction, etc. has been really tough and exhausting. I so wish I had family in the same state so I can just get a break.  
And finally... it's two days before Valentine's Day and today was Sidekick's party at school.  While this shirt is grammatically incorrect, I bought it because we love skulls (and crossbones).  This boy sure makes me smile, and I'm glad I found my way back to being a patient, loving, somewhat happy Momma.   

I'm sure I've missed a lot more, but it's getting late, and I am exhausted. At least I feel a little more caught up with this blog!  I totally sucked for a long time.  Priorities, right?  Boy, I was really struggling with that.  Hoping to feel back on track soon!