Sunday, September 28, 2014

Male Role Model for Sidekick

I worry all the time about being a SMC, but more importantly, I really worry about raising a boy as a SMC since I cannot possibly relate to "boy issues".  I do great in the sports area of his life because I'm athletic, but I worry if I will be enough for him as he grows up and if I, alone, can give him everything he needs to be a well rounded man. 
I've written before about our amazing neighbors, D and E, who have an eight year old boy, T.  Our families immediately bonded shortly after we moved to our new home.  We all spend time outside together whenever possible, and Sidekick worships T (eight year old boy).  E (mom) and I have also formed a very close relationship, and we have this unique bond I've never had with someone. D (dad) and I get along so well and he has become a great friend.  But most importantly, D has this incredible love for Sidekick.  It's almost as if Sidekick is his own son. I can't wrap my head around the fact that someone can truly embrace my son and care about him so much in just a couple of months. They love each other like a father and son would.  It melts my heart and makes me so happy to see them together. 

Last night T had a baseball game, so Sidekick and I went to cheer him on.  I had to work all day, which made me cranky because if I'm going to pay a babysitter on a Saturday, it SHOULD be because I am doing something fun! I was exhausted, but I told T we were going to his game, and I didn't want to disappoint him.  While Sidekick didn't really understand what was going on, he enjoyed being part of the action and cheering on his best friend, T. 

At one point, Sidekick went over to D, and I looked over and found them like this:

To most people, this image would mean absolutely nothing, but to me, it means the world!  I wanted to cry watching this because while it made me so happy, it made me sad at the same time.  Strange, right?  It tugged at my heart strings in a way I hadn't expected.  It was a moment when I was reminded after living in my "nuclear family bubble" for a brief moment, that this is something Sidekick doesn't really have, and who knows if he ever will. It makes me go back to a question that surfaces in the front of my head from time to time:  Did I do the wrong thing wanting to be a SMC?  Is it fair to Sidekick?
I count my blessings that D, E, and T are in our lives. I consider them my best friends and my family.  I am especially grateful that D has stepped up to be that male role model that Sidekick's life is lacking. We never know where life is going to take us, but I certainly never imagined that after we moved to our new home, we would have such amazing people in our lives in such a short period of time.  That truly just does not seem possible. Both Sidekick and I were missing "something" in our lives, and this family has filled that void for both of us. We are fortunate to not only have them as friends, but to have them as our neighbors so we can see them all the time and continue this great relationship the five of us have.  The universe works in mysterious ways, and right now, I like the way it's working!  We are truly blessed to have them in our lives.  They mean the world to us!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Soccer (and lack of an apology)

I haven't  ever done any scheduled activities with Sidekick, and I felt the need to do something "special" with him each week.  Since he has this love and talent for kicking a soccer ball, I signed him up for a parent/tot class.  He's had so much fun, and I love seeing him listening to his coach, following directions, and interacting with other kids.  Those are things that I've never been able to observe, and it's nice to see how well behaved he is, so I'm hoping he is the same way at school.  This was literally his first day before "class" officially started.  Ever since his first day, he can't wait to put on his jersey every Wednesday. 

And this one is of the kids having to chase hula-hoops down the field. Apparently kids this young don't understand the concept of following/chasing a ball (hula hoop).  Sidekick is the one with the really loud scream, but who cares!  He loved it! (Of course I have zero space on my shitty phone despite the fact there is NOTHING on it anymore, so it cut off at the best part.)

While he looks cute and obedient in those videos, he sure has been pushing my buttons lately!  Just this morning while driving him to school, he was whining and getting angry because I couldn't help him put this magnet together.  When I finally lost my patience, I raised my voice, told him to stop, and asked him to apologize for his bad behavior, he immediately replied with, "*Sidekick* not sorry."  WHAT???!!!  Normally he apologizes on his own before I even have to tell him he did something wrong, but this time  for whatever reason, he wasn't sorry.  Wow!  I had no idea how to even respond to that and was shocked that he even had a thought process like that.  So, I continue on with trying to figure out how to deal with a toddler, and it seems to change daily!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Things I Think about when I have Insomia (Part 2)

I wrote about this a while ago, and since my insomnia is unbearable yet again, I thought I'd share the crazy things that run through my head when I stare at nothingness in the dark for hours on end.  No wonder I can't sleep!

  1. What is the name of that customer I worked with three years ago who called me out of the blue a few months ago?  (Still can't figure this out!)
  2. I hate when I close my eyes to try to go to sleep, and I feel my eyeballs rolling back into my head.
  3. When am I going to find time to get a new iPhone?  My current one sucks!
  4. I really need some new work clothes.
  5. I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired.
  6. Why can't Sidekick be less messy when he pees on the potty?  So yucky!
  7. When will I get my act together and start making good meals for Sidekick and me again?
  8. Why am I too wrapped up in saving money and planning for the future instead of enjoying the present?
  9. What the hell am I going to do all winter long when we are trapped inside?  (We play outside every single day right now!)
  10. Why the hell can't I sleep?
  11. What am I going to hang on the walls upstairs in the hallway?
  12. Why can't I find a cool picture to hang in my bathroom?
  13. Will I actually get a Christmas tree this year?
  14. Why is Halloween so generic when it comes to kids' costumes?
  15. What is a realistic sales goal for work?
  16. I can't believe my neighbor from where we used to lived didn't know she was pregnant until she was about 26 weeks along!  (And delivered at 28 weeks.)  It was an oops! baby.
  17. Will I ever find time and have the energy to start running again?
  18. I really want a grill. I feel like I'll eat healthier if I have one.
  19. I pay association fees, so when will the bushes in my neighborhood be trimmed again?
  20. Why doesn't my neighbor bring her dog inside when it barks for a long time?  It's really pretty annoying.
  21. How can my neighbor behind me in a different subdivision let the grass get so long in his/her back yard?  I'm talking up to my knees!  Have some respect for your home (and your fellow neighbors)!
  22. Will I ever date again?
  23. Why am I more exhausted now that I have a toddler than I was when I had a newborn?
  24. Will I used the annual membership to the children's museum enough times to make the purchase worth it?
  25. Why can't I f'n sleep?????!!!!
Those were a lot of the things that floated through my head last night, but I know there were more!  I am one that just can't seem to shut down my brain no matter how tired I am. 

Monday, September 8, 2014

Vacation and Dog Bites

We spent last week in Lake Geneva, WI visiting my mom.  The weather couldn't have been more perfect. Sidekick has always said that Grandma lives at the beach, but until we read books about the beach, I'm not sure he understood what that means.  As soon as he saw the beach near Grandma's house he got so excited.  It's like a light bulb went on in his head. Our first day there, we went to the beach, and this kid was so incredibly happy! One would think that he's been going to the beach since the day he was born.  He has no fear whatsoever and he just embraced every new adventure.


After his nap that afternoon, we went outside so Sidekick could sweep the acorns on Grandma's driveway (is every kid obsessed with sweeping like mine???).  A family with a three year old and two terrier-like dogs were out for a walk.  We've met them before, so we all started talking.  After about ten minutes, Sidekick, who adores dogs, walked towards the dogs slowly. Both dogs were on leashes.  Dog #1 grabbed Sidekick by the shirt and started attacking him.  Dog #2 apparently felt left out, so he started attacking Dog #1, and Sidekick was literally caught in the middle.  I immediately ran to get Sidekick, the dad picked up his daughter, and the mom was panicking while trying to separate the two dogs that were fighting.  Talk about an adrenaline rush!  It was the scariest thing ever!  Sidekick was screaming, and I wasn't sure if it was because he was hurt, scared, or both. I looked him over and found a massive scratch down his stomach and four puncture holes on his shoulder. 
I didn't want Sidekick to be afraid of dogs after this incident, so after he calmed down, he did pet the dog (that was being held very tightly) that attacked him.  He's such a brave boy.  We went inside so I could look him over again and clean him up.  When my mom got home shortly after this incident, I walked down to the neighbor's house to make sure they were up to date with their shots, which they were.  The mom started sobbing as soon as she saw me.  I gave her a big hug and reassured her that Sidekick was okay, but she kept saying she couldn't imagine if that had happened to her daughter.  I told her that I was very relieved that nothing more had happened to Sidekick, and that we should all be grateful.  Later that night, I couldn't get that image of two dogs attacking my sweet boy. 
The next day, the family came down and brought Sidekick a dog stuffed animal.  As soon as she saw  me, she started crying again. I think they felt better seeing that Sidekick was just fine, and we never made an issue of it again to him, so I'm hoping he's forgotten about it.  This whole incident gets me thinking... I have a golden retriever, and I wonder what I would do if she attacked Sidekick or someone else. Would I assume it was a fluke or would I take drastic measures and put her to sleep?  Even though I am a total dog lover, Dog is almost 12 years old, but part of me thinks that I would never trust her again, and for my peace of mind, I think I'd have to put her to sleep.  I would be devastated for so many reasons just like this family is, but humans take priority in my life, and I'm not sure I'd ever want Dog around Sidekick again especially since he likes to lay on her, hug her, play rough with her, etc. I wonder if this family is thinking the same thing as I.