Thursday, February 19, 2015

Table for Two

I don't know how I feel about past lives, but many people who know Sidekick, have commented that he is an old soul and he's "been around" before.  I have to admit that there are times when he says or does something and I think to myself that he shouldn't be doing/saying that at 2 1/2 years old. He tells me at random times that I am beautiful (and it's usually when I need a shower!).  He'll do something and immediately asks me if it makes me happy.  He is an outgoing, yet cautious, gentle little boy who is so aware of the world and the people who live in it.  He just seems to know too much.

I've taught him to set the table with his dishes at a pretty young age.  I have all of his dishes in a cabinet that he can reach, so he likes to pick out the colors of his plates, bowls, and cups.  I had had a long day and was trying to get dinner ready for us.  Sidekick was working on puzzles and his ears must have been broken when I asked him to set the table because he hadn't moved from the puzzle.  I was getting a little impatient while finishing things up, so I asked him again with a little firmer, louder voice.  He got up and did what I asked him to do.  When I turned around, I found two sets of matching dishes at the table.  My sweet boy, had set the table for me also:

How could I not use the dishes he got out for me?  He was so happy and excited and said, "I set the table for you, Momma.  That make you happy?"  Of course it made me happy and I happily served myself using his dishes and filled the small cup with water.  He has learned that the world doesn't revolve around him.  He has learned that it's nice to help others.  He has learned how to be loving and kind.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Happy Singles Awareness Day

aka Valentine's Day. It's a day I've never really gotten into, but seeing the flowers, gifts, etc. on Facebook that friends got makes me feel a little jealous. Why is it so hard to find a guy?  Oh yeah!  Because dating sucks!  I've tried online dating sites with no success.  None.  Zero. Zilch. I haven't been on a date since before Sidekick was born, and I'd sure like to go on one. Soon. Seriously, as much as I hated dating prior to Sidekick, I'd really like to have a date now. I'd love to sit across the table from a guy and have a great conversation, while drinking a glass of wine and laughing.

Sidekick had soccer yesterday and he brought Valentines to some of his friends on his team.  It was fun and he was so excited to give them to them.  We were going to go bowling for the first time with my friends and their two sons, but when we got there the wait was close to two hours, so we quickly changed our plans and went to Chuck E Cheese, which was a new place for Sidekick.  He had so much fun and quickly learned how to put the coins in the games/rides.  He was so happy. Watching him reminded me how much I just adore my boy, so screw Valentines Day!  If I had waited for that guy to come along, I wouldn't have Sidekick. 

Although Sidekick informed me that his friend at school, H, is his Valentine, after I gave him a kiss, he said, "I like hugs, Momma.  Kisses are not great.  But I love you."  So whether I have a grown up Valentine or not, I have my boy, and he is the greatest, most amazing part of my life.  I'd hate to wonder where my life would be now if he wasn't part of it. 

Below is a picture of three Valentine's Days in row. It's fun to see how he's changed. This boy is by far my favorite boy in the whole wide world.  Maybe a great guy will come into our lives someday soon and grow with us.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

That Ex-Neighbor-Friend!

Remember that neighbor friend that "broke up" with me and Sidekick? 

Breaking up is Hard to Do

Momma Sad


I hate living by her. I really do. I tried to be the big person and reach out again when I sent them a Christmas card.  In it I wrote, "New year, new beginning..."  Again, the door was wide open, and nothing!  Finally, I sent her an email a couple of weeks ago with the subject line "Goodbye".  I told her I was officially saying goodbye to her and our difficult, painful friendship where I was totally and completely used.  I told her that I was trying not to hate her, but because of what she did with no explanation, I do (which I don't make a habit of doing).  I told her I was hopeful that by now she would have strapped on some balls and explained but because she didn't, I was done. I wouldn't have wanted her to be my friend anymore, but at least because we would have hashed things out, we wouldn't be completely uncomfortable around each other. 

I explained that whenever her son, T, sees us, Sidekick hides behind me and will not talk to him no matter how much T tries to talk to him. It's so awkward. When I talk to Sidekick about it later, he tells me that T is not his friend anymore. I try to do the right thing by explaining that even when people aren't our friends, we still need to be nice and say hello to them.  He asked me why... ugh!  I don't F'n know!  It's just the right thing to do. It makes me sad that E has ruined a sweet relationship between T and Sidekick.  It's so unfair to them.

So, guess what? I told her that I'm not going to be nice to them anymore if we see them.  Why should I?  She is such a messed up woman, and I do not condone her behavior nor do I want to teach Sidekick that that behavior of hers is acceptable.  Yes, we'll say hello, but that's it... no more BS talk with her son, especially since Sidekick will not interact with him anymore.  I told her that she has created such an awkwardness in our neighborhood, and that totally sucks.  How's it going to be when a bunch of neighbors are outside and everyone is talking to each other except us?  Because I'm the newbie to the neighborhood, who knows how this will go.

While I the premise of my email was to say goodbye because I thought it would make me feel better, it didn't. It was a beautiful weekend, so we were outside playing a lot. We were in the cul-da-sac where all the kids gather, which happens to be where their house is.  E's husband came out to leave, so I grabbed Sidekick's bike to get it out of the way, and we didn't even glance at each other.  I just wanted to yell, "You two need to grow the F up!"  If they didn't live just doors down from us, I wouldn't care, but their presence in our neighborhood is really hard for me.  We are very outdoorsy people, so we are always out.  It makes me sick. 

Here's the thing... I know she is f'd up (her words), she admitted it to me many times.  I know she had a lot of shit to deal with.  I get all of that, but being used like I was and then being dumped is so incredibly hard and totally sucks. Seriously, who does what she did?  In my entire life, I honestly can't think of anything remotely similar to what she did.  Ridiculous. 

I'm dreading spring when we all tend to be outside and at some point, we'll actually be in each other's presence.  I feel like I'm in middle school again, but this is actually far worse.  Is she truly happy that she's done this?  Does she feel as awkward as I am being outside in our neighborhood?  This is so incredibly stupid and so incredibly immature. They wanted to move a while ago but were afraid that they wouldn't get what they needed to out of their house.  Every day I hope I will see a "For Sale" sign in their yard.  That would solve everything.

Thursday, February 5, 2015


I always thought that it would be easier to "find" new friends and connect with them once Sidekick was old enough to go out an about and do things.  Having him has put me in activities and outings that I wouldn't normally do. What I have found is that it's tough to connect with people as a SMC because my world is different than a more "traditional" family.  I wonder if it's because some women don't want to leave their husbands out of outings with the kids especially on the weekends.  Weekends are family time, not hang out with Sidekick and his mom time, so I struggle with this which makes me feel lonely sometimes. 

Since Sidekick has been playing soccer, I have become friendly with a couple of the moms.  One of the moms (we'll call X) and I had an interesting conversation the first time we talked at soccer.  The kids are now on the soccer field by themselves, so I get the opportunity to talk to some of the moms and dads.  After a little chit chat, X asked me if "we" have any more kids.  When I said no, she asked if "we" are going to, and like I usually do, I explained that I am a SMC.  She got so excited for me and told me that since she had found her husband later in life, she would have done the same thing had she not gotten married.  I asked about her family, and she hesitated and said she does have a son, but he died 1 1/2 years ago!  Good Lord, talk about an awful thing to hear.  From what I have gathered in the short communication and random thing she says at times, he was in surgery and the anesthesiologist messed up. He was about 2 1/2... Sidekick's age. How does one respond to that???  I just wanted to lean over and hug her. Their daughter was nine months old at the time, and I can only assume that she kept them going every day.  At that moment, I looked at Sidekick running around on the soccer field and couldn't imagine losing him. My heart was heavy for this family. I don't think I would ever survive if something happened to Sidekick.  I couldn't.

X is getting a Golden Retriever puppy in a couple of weeks. Last weekend, she invited us to go visit the litter. Sidekick was so loving and caring towards them and was particularly drawn to the runt (on his left in the pic).  He literally sobbed when we left after almost two hours. 

But I digress... X and I had fun and for just getting together with her and her daughter for the first time with a really long drive to the dog breeder, it wasn't awkward at all.  What I struggle with is that after any outing with a friend and her child, while they go back to their family that consists of more than a mom and child, Sidekick and I go back to Dog. It kind of tugs at my heartstrings, and I go from this upbeat feeling about life to a little bit of loneliness.  Will Sidekick ever feel this way?
I want to get together with people for play dates and activities, but I find that it's awkward when a dad is thrown into the mix.  Why leave a Dad behind because in a "normal" family, both dads would come along for the adventure? I have no problem with the Dad being there, especially if he's a good role model, and actually welcome it because it puts a man in Sidekicks' present world. However, I'm not so sure how he feels about hanging out with two women.  Ha!
So anyway, my world feels lonely somehow.  Does this hit home with anyone else?  Am I the only one that thinks/feels like this? 
Last night before I laid my sweet boy in his crib, he said, "It's just you and me, Momma. You make me happy."  Did he know that I needed to hear something like this?  I just gave him an extra hug or two, kissed him on his forehead, and told him I loved him.  And then I remembered that without him, my life would be really sucky.  : )