Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Galloping Horse Broke Down my Wall of Fear!

I had my four week check-up at 15w4d.  I got to hear the heartbeat on the doppler and it definitely sounded like a horse galloping!  It was such a relief to know that my baby is okay.  I seem to get nervous every once in a while because since I can't feel it move yet, I'm always worried that something might have happened.   I also had my second trimester blood screening.  They combine this with the first trimester bloodwork and NT scan to determine my risk for genetic problems like Downs, Trisomys, etc.  The first screen went well, so I am hopeful that I'll get the same great news.  Nevertheless, I'm still nervous for the results. 

I made my appointment for the anatomy scan three weeks from tomorrow. It's crazy that I'll know if I'm going to raise a boy or a girl.  I've not been anxious about finding out, so I'm not too concerned about time dragging.  My mom will be there for that ultrasound, and I know she is excited to see the baby.  That weekend we'll be busy shopping and planning for my boy or girl.  I seem to always guess what my friends are having, but with me, I haven't a clue.  I first thought it was a boy, then I switched to a girl, and now I have no guess.  It'll be exciting to find out!

This galloping horse broke down my wall of fear of telling my manager and colleagues. If this unconventional pregnancy has taught me anything, it's to not assume I know the way people will react. My manager was great and immediately congratulated me. He even reminded me that his in-laws live here, and he'd be happy to introduce me to them if I ever need help. (I work out of my home, and my manager lives in another part of the state.). I then sent out an email to my work friends. The responses I received made me cry!!! This baby all of a sudden was surrounded by so much love. People were so excited for me. I even copy and pasted eveyone's emails to me in a Word document so that I can add it to the baby book. It just made me so happy to share the news with everyone.

Since close friends and colleagues know, the next step was to announce it on Facebook. At that point, my news officially became public!  It's so much more exciting now that people in my life know.  It's been strange to carry this secret with me for 16 weeks. I am humbled by the positive responses and support I have received.  This baby is so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


This past Thursday, my good friend asked if my jeans still fit. I told her that I hadn't worn jeans in weeks because I was either wearing work clothes or comfortable clothes. She told me to try on my jeans while I was on the phone with her because that's a good test to see if my body is changing. I was a bit surprised that they were snug since I had lost weight in the first trimester because I was so sick.  I quickly took them off because I was a bit in shock and wondered if I'll ever wear those jeans again!

Fast forward two days and those same pair of jeans barely fit over my hips, let alone able to be zipped and buttoned. I officially popped at 14w6d! Crazy! I went from looking "normal" one day to looking pregnant the next. It seemed so surreal, and I now walk around realizing that I no longer carry a secret with me because it's pretty obvious there's a baby growing in me. Even though I work out of my home and I don't see my manager very often, it's time to officially let work know... after my doctor appointment on Thursday when I'll get confirmation that everything is going well. (Will I ever stop procrastinating?) 

My sweet dog in the picture seems to really be trying to figure out what's happening to me. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Two Steps Forward and Three Steps Back

I felt like the new year brought on a re-energized me!  I finally began feeling better and seemed to make it through the day with very little to no nausea.  The second week of January was a different story...

I was in Dallas for training and the one thing I was thankful for is that I was finally feeling better and would be able to make it through training without feeling horrible.  While I recently told my business partner/friend my news, she was not at the meeting, so no one at the meeting knew I am pregnant.  There are reasons I have not told my boss/company yet:

1.  I would like my 2012 sales goal first so that I know I am not being set up for failure this year
2.  I would like my 2011 evaluation
3.  I'm worried how being a SMC will be perceived (even though everyone who knows thus far has been wonderful!).

After lunch on day two of training, I wasn't feeling well.  My body was completely taken over by this pregnancy unlike any other day!  I had never felt so sick, shaky, sweaty, fainty, etc. as I had that day!  I quickly went to my trainer (who was not part of my company), and told her I was not feeling well and had to leave.  I went to my hotel room for about 45 minutes and was so incredibly sick (I'll spare you the details).  I wanted to die or I thought I would die.  I counted my blessings that that horrible episode had only happened that one time.  While I had been feeling sick every day since before I found out I was pregnant, it had never gotten as bad as that moment.

I somehow made it back to training, but I knew people were concerned about me as I had suddenly left for a while.  My trainer tapped me on the shoulder while we were reading something to make sure I was okay.  While it felt like my insides were ripping out, I wasn't so sure I was fine, and I was worried about this alien growing in me.  I was truly scared/worried for the first time.  I told her I was okay, but then during a break I let her know I am pregnant because I was scared, wanted someone to know what was happening, and I wanted her to know I don't have some contagious disease that was going to turn into the next plague.  While I am going at this alone, I felt very alone at that moment because no one knew what I was going through and I was so darn sick!  My trainer was great, told me she'd keep it between us, and checked on me throughout training to make sure I was okay.  I was very much relieved someone knew my secret.

Since I got back in town, I'm still battling this all day nausea again!  I haven't had another episode like I had during training, and for that I am thankful.  When I seem to catch a break from it, I go running to try to relieve a little stress and get some exercise as I have felt very lazy lately.  I sat in my car for six hours yesterday and drove down a lot of windy and hilly roads which didn't help with the nausea, and I felt like my butt was expanding right then and there!  It was awful!  I couldn't get home fast enough, change my clothes to warm running clothes (it was only 34 degrees), grab my dog, and head to the park before it got dark. I felt like a new person when I got back home.  It's the little things that make me happy. 

I have my four week check-up next week.  It'll be pretty uneventful as my doctor will listen to the heartbeat and check to see how things are going.  The appointment next time will be to find out if I'm having a boy or a girl.  I seem to not be anxious about finding out.  I know people who were chomping at the bit as soon as they knew they were pregnant because they wanted to know so badly.  I'm not that person, and I've even debated not finding out. I know I will because I want to be as prepared as I can be, but a little tiny piece of me wants to wait until delivery.  Yet another decision I have to make of many. 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Beginning to Feel Less Like Death

Before I was pregnant, I was prepared for morning sickness.  What I was not prepared for what all day sickness.  I had been battling it since I was just a little over four weeks pregnant, and nothing seemed to help, not even the prescription I was given.  Last week seemed to have been when it subsided a bit, and I felt like a whole new person!  Unlike most pregnant women, I do not have the exhaustion; instead, I have insomnia!  It sucks badly because when I lie awake in the middle of the night for hours at a time, I wish I knew what exhaustion felt like.

Since I began feeling more "normal" last week, I took that as a sign to get my butt in gear and begin working out again.  Working out throughout my pregnancy has always been a goal of mine because there are so many benefits (maintain weight gain, easier delivery, quicker recovery).  I started slowly last week and just took a two mile fast paced walk.  It doesn't sound like much, but I could tell that my body was just different than it had been while I was training for my half marathons.  Today I set out to run two miles.  Unfortunately, I have such a high heart rate when I run that it ended up being almost 1 1/2 miles broken up in half and then a half mile walk.  Since I haven't done anything for about 11 weeks, I'm trying to accept the fact that 1 1/2 miles is good.  When I run, my heart rate is normally in the 170s which is a complete "no-no" during pregnancy.  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to maintain it in the 140s for a long period of time, but some type of activity is better than none.

I told my business partner last week that I am pregnant.  I was really worried about telling her because I wasn't sure she would be okay with my choice.  I was so wrong!  She was thrilled and so excited for me!  She even said she thought I would do something like this if I hadn't met a great guy.  I then told my neighbors who were ecstatic!  I was so nervous about telling them because they are old enough to be my baby's grandparents, so I was afraid they were going to be old school.  They offered to help me with anything during the pregnancy and when the baby arrives, told me how proud they are of me, and brought me flowers the next day.  I have always been of the mindset that people will know how I got pregnant and that I thought long and hard about making this very difficult decision.  I don't want people to think I had a one night stand or that I am irresponsible and don't know about protection.  I'm not embarrassed at all about how I did this.  Now that the people I have told are so supportive of me, I'm ready to tell the world! 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Time's a Flyin'

I am currently 12w1d which makes me feel pretty safe that this pregnancy is a go!  It's crazy to think that I'm almost 1/3 of the way through.  I am about 6 1/2 months from my due date, and while that normally seems like a long way away, to me, it seems like it'll be here too quickly!

I had my first trimester screening and things look good.  The baby was moving its arms and legs which is so surreal!  While trying to get good pictures of the Nuchal fold, the baby wouldn't cooperate.  It was so comfy and cozy that it just wanted to remain in the position that it was in.  I had to actually get off the table to jump up and down to see if it would move.  That was unsuccessful.  Finally with painful poking and prodding with the transducer (is that what it's called?), it finally turned a bit to get a good view.  Either I have a really stubborn baby or I have a really laid back baby.  I'm sure hoping for the latter! 

I had a really nice Christmas with my family in Florida.  I was not feeling all that great, but I made it through, I think in part because I was too busy to feel lousy.  It was strange to think that I'll have a five month old with me next year for Christmas.  Yikes!  Since returning home, my all day sickness has just been brutal!  While I caved and got some Reglan before Christmas, it just doesn't seem to do the trick.  Nothing does.  I keep thinking that since I am almost in my second trimester, it should go away any day now.  I've lost about eight pounds, but I have put two pounds back on.  It's kind of nice that I'm down in weight before I put a lot on! 

I've told a couple of people who didn't even know I was doing this.  They were excited about it and know that I can do this.  It was nice to get a vote of confidence.  I don't plan on telling work people until next month.  Since I work out of my home and don't see colleagues very often, it is easy to "hide" my pregnancy.  I am waiting for my annual review and sales goal before I break the news.  I just don't want anything to be held against me.  Maybe I am being a bit paranoid, but since I am doing something unconventional, I just don't want things held against me.  I actually have to go out of town for a company meeting next week, and unless my belly decides to really pop, I should be able to hide it.  There might be some questions about why I'm not having a glass of wine with dinner, but I'll be able to brush that off somehow.  

So, there's a brief update for what's been going on.  I'll try to get better about updating more often! 

Happy New Year!