I really have never felt the challenge of being a single Momma until this week. A couple of days ago, I wrote about Sidekick being sick and me having a busy, crazy work week. Sidekick was feeling great and ready to go to school Friday. When I picked him up, he was fine and in pretty good spirits. That night, he woke up crying a couple of times (got himself back to sleep) but woke up for good before the sun rose (which never happens!). I knew it was going to be a bad day, and I was definitely not looking forward to it being Saturday. He took horrible naps and screamed a lot during the day. Today seems to be a repeat of yesterday, and while he is whining in his crib at the moment, that little dude better take a long nap.
Being outside typically makes Sidekick happy. It's in the upper 30's today, but that has never stopped us from going for a walk. I bundled him up, grabbed Dog, and off we went. He was happy the entire time (of course). When the wind blew in his face, he sucked it in through his nose and laughed. When he could see Macey, he laughed at her. He took in the blue sky and birds flying. He was content. Forty five minutes later, we came home and I took him out of the stroller only to find him missing a sock. Of course that would happen because that's just the weekend it's been. Thankfully he had a blanket on him, but I still felt bad his little toes were so cold. Since the stroller was put away and the dog was inside, Sidekick and I walked around nearby in hopes of finding it, but we had no success. I threw him in the car seat and drove around the neighborhood until we came upon it. If it was a plain sock, I wouldn't worry, but it was one of my favorite socks of his, so I had to find it.
See how cute and innocent he looks during this walk? This is so NOT who my baby has been for seven days! He can fake out anyone!
So, going back to the heading of this entry... Sidekick has always been a good baby, but after seven days of him being sick and/or constantly crabby, my limits and patience have been pushed and tested! I haven't been to the gym in a week, Macey hadn't been walked in days until today, and I haven't had a chance to clean my home... all because I have had a sick and crabby baby. I have absolutely no one to whom I can hand him (even if for a brief moment so I can make lunch). He is all mine 24/7, except when he is at school. I have felt the pressures this week, and I'd be lying if I said I can't wait to take him to school tomorrow! It is a company holiday for me, so I plan to clean, work out, and have a massage. This Momma needs a break and a little relaxation.
I am thankful that Sidekick is normally such a easy and good baby. But when he is having an "off" day (or in this case, week), he is horrible! I know being a working mom is hard, but add the word "single" in front of that, and it gets just a little harder. But when I look at that cute picture above, I can't help but smile and love him.
Fellow SMC, when did you feel overwhelmed for the first time?
Happy Valentine's Day!
Sidekick has been a very healthy baby, but this week has proven to be unlucky for him. This past Sunday he seemed to be on a food strike... didn't seem to worry me.
- Monday: he normally slams an eight ounce bottle when he wakes up, but he kept pushing it away and shaking his head "no". (I'm still not sure when he learned to do that because he's never shaken his head like that, let alone at the right time.) I work out of my home, and Monday was an office day. Sidekick had two bouts of diarrhea while at school, and two bouts equal going home. I picked him up early afternoon, and he was fine the rest of the day and all night long.
- Tuesday: Since the rule at school is that they cannot return until 24 hours after his last bout, I was able to bring him in the next day late in the morning which was important because I had an appointment with a customer that I didn't want to miss. Sidekick was fine all day.
- Wednesday: I had a huge sales presentation and was in a hurry that morning. I realized when I was almost to school that I had forgotten his bottles. I've never done that, and yesterday was not the day for that. School is 20 minutes round trip from my home, and my presentation was 40 minutes from home. Doing the math, that was going to be a problem, but somehow I made it work and got to the presentation on time. Phew! Fifteen minutes before the two hour presentation was over, I had a voicemail from school. Sidekick had two bouts of really bad diarrhea, and he hadn't eaten much all day. I called the pediatrician and quickly left the presentation to drive 50 minutes to pick him up. He seemed fine. We went to the doctor where he was diagnosed with norovirus (not a surprise), and he is now drinking soy formula, taking Mylanta before eating, and I sprinkle pro biotic powder in his baby food.
- Today, Valentine's Day, he got to spend the day with me due to the 24 hour rule. He was a good boy, played right next to me on the floor while I worked, took a long nap, and held it together until about 4:45 PM when he had a complete meltdown. He ate some carrots, took and bath, ate his bottle, and was asleep before 7:00.
I have a busy day tomorrow and have to leave earlier than normal. I'll have to wake up Sidekick and get out the door quickly. He'll go to school tomorrow and based on the week it's been and the fact that I have a training to attend, he'll probably have two bouts of diarrhea again (even though he's been fine for almost 36 hours), and I'll have to pick him up. This is one of the few times when being a single mom and not having family in the same state is difficult. But, we've almost made it through a challenging week, and I am in love with my little Valentine more than ever! Sidekick loves me THIS much!
I find it very ironic that earlier today I wrote about Cooper asking me about his daddy, and today the question came out of a 3 1/2 year old's mouth. My good friend and her daughter came to visit us today. To set the stage, I have this picture in a large black and white canvas in Cooper's room:
Lauren (3 1/2) saw the canvas and asked if that was Sidekick's daddy. Her mom and I looked at each other, laughed, and then quickly changed the subject. I didn't know if I should be offended that she thought I was a man : ) or shocked that she was putting things together and wondering about Sidekick's daddy. In Lauren's eyes, I'm not sure it matters that Sidekick doesn't have a daddy. She loves this little guy with or without a daddy. Kids are resilient, forgiving, and non-judgemental. We could learn something from them quite often if we were more receptive to their goings-on in the world. (I'll write about my nephew asking about Sidekick's dad another day because that's a very interesting perspective as well.) Regardless, it makes me smile when I think about it because her sweet, little innocence came to the forefront of Sidekick's world.
I've envisioned several times when Sidekick will ask me, "Where is my Daddy?" It's a moment that worries me. It's a moment that makes me realize that Sidekick knows there is something "different" about our family. It's the moment when I might feel like I have let him down by not giving him a daddy and a traditional family. At the same time, in my head it seems like an easy conversation because I'll explain to him that I wanted him so badly that I had to get him a different way. Seems easy, right? Ha!
I've bought two books for him explaining our situation, one with a real person (Just the Baby for Me) and one with a lion and her cub (Why Don't I have a Daddy?). I realize that some of Sidekick's friends might have a mommy and a daddy that don't live together, while some might have two mommies or two daddies. Thankfully we live in a society where a lot more is accepted. It's so great to have the ability to have a child regardless of someone's situation. Nonetheless, while Sidekick makes his way through the world, he'll have this Donor Dad thing hanging over his head. He'll never know his "Dad". Sidekick will have the information I have from Donor Dad's profile and a picture of him when he was about two years old. All the while, Sidekick's birth certificate remains blank for the Father's Name.
I am hopeful that one day I'll meet a great guy who will either have children of his own or will want to have children; thus giving Sidekick some siblings. In the meantime, I will continue to raise a confident, happy, funny, and strong little person who will be all of that and more when he is a man. In the meantime, I'll just wait until that question about his daddy comes up. Thankfully I've got time to ponder my response.
So... if you are a SMC, how do you plan to explaining things to your baby?
I don't consider myself a very sentimental person, but there seems to be one piece of baby equipment that tugs at my heart strings. That piece of equipment is called a Rock n Play. Sidekick didn't ever like the swing, and he tolerated the bouncy seat once he got a little older. The Rock n Play was his favorite place to be, and when I think about him as an itty bitty baby, I picture him in it. I picture him asleep, I picture him smiling, and I picture him "talking" in it. Once he got really good at tummy time and began sitting up, he didn't want to have anything to do with it.
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Last week I went for a run before picking Sidekick up from school, and when we got home, I was desperate for a shower. I brought the Rock n Play in the bathroom and strapped him in. (I had never buckled him in before because he was always so content in it.) Anyway, he proceeded to try to throw himself out of it. I've never seen him so determined. He grunted, he cried, he squealed, he yelled... all to know avail. To put it bluntly, he was pissed, and at that moment, I knew it was time to find the Rock n Play a new home.
I posted an ad on Craigslist, and within an hour, I got an email from someone who was interested in it. She was even willing to drive an hour to pick it up (I still can't figure out why because the gas money alone was probably a lot.) Anyway, I felt like I should interview her to make sure it was going to a good home. : ) Before we left to meet her, I laid Sidekick in it one last time and took his sweet picture. It was time to say "good-bye" to the Rock n Play...
What was something that you had a hard time parting with when your baby started getting bigger?
Just recently, Sidekick has shown so much interest in his golden retriever, Macey. He can't get enough of her (unfortunately, I don't think the feeling is mutual). As soon as I finish getting him dressed in the morning, he starts looking for her and squeals in delight when he finds her. This is just one of his many interactions with her. It doesn't get any sweeter than this. (I decided to experiment with YouTube, so hopefully this works!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMjmjH9p20g
We live in tornado alley, but tornadoes in January are (obviously) very uncommon. In the not so distant past, tornadoes touched down not far from where I live and flattened homes. I've never worried about tornadoes because they don't really freak me out, but the other day, I had a brief moment of panic when Sidekick and I were separated during a tornado warning. I was sitting in my home office watching the storm roll in. I had the TV on in the background and was listening for updates. The news had informed us of a tornado warning in the county where Sidekick goes to school (we live right on the edge of two counties). I called his school to find out what they were doing and to tell them I was going to pick him up early. I was quickly told that the sirens were going off, he was in an interior bathroom, and they will not let me take him out of the school when the sirens are going off. I sat in my home glued to the TV waiting for the warning to end, so I could pick him up. It was only about 30 minutes, but I didn't like being separated from my little Sidekick during that moment. I definitely felt helpless, and it sucked. Of course when I picked up Sidekick, he had no idea any of that was going on. If anything, he enjoyed being shoved in a crib with his buddies and being rolled into a cold, tiled room that echoes when babies scream or cry. Thank goodness for safe bathrooms and tornadoes that didn't hit. Phew!
It's hard to believe that around this time last year I had just announced I was pregnant to my colleagues and Facebook friends (I waited until about 16 weeks to let the cat out of the bag), and now my little guy is able to sit up on his own! I am just amazed at how much he has changed in just 6 1/2 short months. He brings me so much happiness, and while being a single mom can be a challenge at times (primarily when it comes to laundry and cleaning), my little Sidekick just blends into my life. I don't feel like he has disrupted my life at all. I still go out to dinner, go shopping, go for four mile walks (now with him), sleep great (better than before I was even pregnant), and enjoy life (more). He has added to my life and made it so much more fulfilling.
I want a second baby. Yep, I do. I've wanted one for a while. Part of it is because I love being a mom and can handle being a single mom, and the other part is because Sidekick is such an incredibly good baby. He would make anyone want to have a baby. Unfortunately, because of finances, I can only afford one. Daycare is really expensive, and if I hadn't started saving long before I started trying to get pregnant, I'd be strapped. I jokingly asked the owner of his daycare if she would give me a "two for one". While she completely supports what I have done, she won't do that, but she did say that she'd give me a great discount. So it appears that if I can't find a great guy to marry and have another baby, it'll just be me and my Sidekick, and I am a-ok with that!
Since I've resigned to the fact that I'll only have one baby, I have started selling his baby equipment that he is not using and putting the money into his college fund. There's no sense in keeping any of it for the possibility or hope that I'll get married and have another baby. If I do, then I'll just start all over with my husband. In the meantime, it's time to get rid of the old stuff and make room for the new stuff in my little, cramped condo.
Life is great with my Sidekick. We never know where life will take us, but I believe that what's meant to be is meant to be. I thought that each and every time I had my eight IUIs. It had to be the "right" egg and the "right" sperm to get my perfect baby, and if it wasn't meant to be then I would not have Sidekick. Before my eighth try to get pregnant I had decided that was going to be my last because I was emotionally and physically drained. I was originally going to try six times, but for some reason I forged ahead, and I have Sidekick to show for it. It's funny how things work out...
I try to keep Sidekick's journal and baby book updated, and while that's difficult, this blog seems to be on the back burner. Here's a recap of the past six months:
1. He has always been a great sleeper! He started sleeping eight hours at four weeks old and 12 hours at nine weeks old.
2. He has always been a happy, easy, funny baby.
3. He started school at 13 weeks old, and he is and always has been one of the favorites (of course I love this!)
4. He's a tiny little guy and while he's long at 27 inches, he is not quite 16 pounds (six month appt).
5. He loves our dog-- especially when she licks his fingers. He laughs so hard!
6. His favorite song has always been "Wheels on the Bus" (especially when I make up new "sounds" that are on the bus).
7. He has plagiocephaly (bad flat spot on the back of his head). While it was recommended he get a helmet, I requested one month to make a positive change with his measurements with repositioning. We made great progress, and I now have one more month to get him in the "normal" range. Phew!
8. He loves every food he has tried! He has yet to spit out, gag, have problems swallowing, etc.
9. He loves reading books! He already has favorite ones and others he isn't interested.
10. He can roll over front to back and back to front, but he's lazy when it comes to back to front.
11. He can sit up on his own for longer than 30 seconds.
12. He went under water at 5 1/2 months old and loved it. I can't wait to get him in swim lessons.
13. He took his first plane ride to Florida for Christmas, and he was great!
14. He loves long walks, and when the weather is nice, he'll sit in his stroller for up to 4 1/2 miles.
15. I never knew how much I could love someone immediately and unconditionally.
I'll try to get better about writing. Being a single mom can be really hard, but despite how tired I am, how much laundry I have to do, and how much cleaning I have to do, it doesn't matter because it's all worth it, and I love this little guy more than anything! It doesn't hurt that I truly have the perfect baby. We "get" each other, we are in sync with one another, and we are very, very happy! There were times when I was pregnant that I wondered if I was making the right decision. Without a doubt, this is the best thing I have ever done!
It's been quite a while since I have posted anything, but I have been really busy with my sweet little boy! My beautiful baby, to whom I'll refer as Sidekick, decided to arrive exactly one week early much to everyone's surprise. I actually always thought he would be born on July 7th, so when water trickled down my leg on the morning of the 7th, I was kind of in disbelief. I finally decided to go to Labor and Delivery about four hours later just to get checked because I had plans that night, and I wanted peace of mind that I was not in labor. I grabbed my suitcase, threw it in the car, and drove myself to the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, the doctor couldn't confirm if my water broke, so I was a little embarrassed that I may have actually pee'd on myself. They kept me though because I was dilated to two centimeters when I was only one centimeter two days earlier. They wanted me to walk the halls, and about ten minutes in, there was a big gush! Yep! My water broke... again! I was there to stay to deliver my baby. (Looking back, the doctor did confirm that that trickle down my leg was in fact my water.) I truly believe that the massage, focusing on the trigger points, got this little guy going. Two days prior to my water breaking, I was still one centimeter dilated, and I had been that way for many, many weeks! There was no sign this baby was going to join the world on his own. A day after my weekly appointment, I got the massage, and my water broke 15 hours later. Coincidence... I think not! : )
After laboring for hours, it was discovered that I had another bubble of fluid that needed to be broken, so my water essentially broke three times. Once that bubble of fluid was broken, the pain and contractions were so intense that I got my epidural. After 21 hours of being in labor, I began pushing at 6:30 AM and Sidekick was born on July 8th at 8:48 AM weighing in at 8# 9 oz and was 21 inches long. I was instantly in love, and I was so worried that I wouldn't feel an immediate connection with him.
Since I used a sperm donor, there was no telling what my baby would end up looking like, but he truly is beautiful! Donor and I made such an amazing baby, and I am truly blessed.
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