I Yelled at Sidekick

Sidekick has always been a great eater.  He transitioned to table food 100% at ten months old and has always eaten anything and everything I put in front of him.  Usually what I make myself for dinner is what he is eating also.  I have yet to find something the kid won't eat!  His most recent favorite is an entire ham and cheese sandwich (two slices of bread with the crusts!) with a little horseradish-Dijon sauce. For a little guy, he sure eats a lot.  He is a bottomless pit! 

Lately he has more of an opinion about what he's eating.  He loves peas but for some reason, he's not much of a fan right now, and really, I don't blame him. I hate peas!  Recently (tonight be the most recent) he'll feed  himself a spoonful of them and then proceed to spit them out, pretty much one by one and let them fall down his shirt.  He thinks it's funny.  I don't.  If that's not enough to piss me off, he'll smash each pea on his tray one by one with his thumb. The icing on the cake???  I gave up on the peas and gave him green beans.  He took them one by one, and dropped them on the floor as fast as he could.  When I told him "No", he laughed. I said it again.  He just looked at me and dropped another green bean.  I bent down to his level so we could see eye to eye, and I said "No" again. He laughed at me. I said "No" in a firmer, louder voice. Honestly, I yelled at my son.  For the first time in his short little life, I lost my patience with him to the point where I yelled at him telling him to stop.  He got quiet and had sad looking eyes.  I was devastated.

I picked up the green beans off the floor and cleared the rest of his tray because I won't tolerate that behavior.  He proceeded to get every itty bitty piece of the green beans from is tray and put them in my hands as if he's helping clean up.  He's great at cleaning up.  He's a great helper, but it was a little too late to do the "right" thing, which was to NOT spit out peas or throw green beans on the floor!  He knows better.

He redeemed himself and ate the rest of his dinner.  Afterwards, I took him out of his booster seat, and he went to the oven which was still hot.  I kept telling him nicely, "That's hot. Stay away."  He kept signing Please.  I repeated.  He signed Please.  I told him "No" in a firmer voice.  He signed Please.  I said "No" much louder which one would interpret as yelling (which it was).  He signed Please.  Seriously!?!  It's effen great that he signs and that he is a polite kid, but it's not great when I can't explain that even though he is saying "please", he doesn't always get what he asks for or wants especially when he safety is at stake.  So... temper tantrum commences as I remove him from the scene of the crime, my patience completely shot. 

I yelled at my son two times tonight.  I know it's not a horrible thing, but I feel badly.  I sometimes forget that these kids don't come into the world knowing how to behave, and that we need to teach them...  every. single. thing!  My frustration level hit the roof with him because I KNOW he knows not to throw food on the floor or spit peas out of his mouth.  He does it to piss me off.  He succeeded, and then I upset him because I yelled at him.  It may have been the first time I yelled at him, and it certainly won't be the last. I just never envisioned that I would yell three days shy of my innocent, sweet boy turning 16 months old.  Oh, the guilt!