Monday, December 8, 2014

"Hallelujah" and a SMC Playdate

Sidekick loves all kinds of music.  He can hear a song one or two times and recognize it right away each time after that.  He heard "Hallelujah" one time, and this is what happened next time he heard it:
His sweet little voice and passion for music just melt my heart. I especially like the end when he starts to sing Yo Gabba Gabba.  (He has quite an eclectic taste in music.  Haha!)
Yesterday we hosted a play date with our local SMC group.  I joined earlier this year and it wasn't very active and their aren't a lot of people, which was kind of disappointing.  Someone finally decided that we should have a monthly meet-up, so December was my month.  I decided in my spare time (yeah, right!) I would bake 7 dozen sugar cookies off all different shapes (snowflake, Christmas tree, gingerbread man, etc.) and the kids would decorate them with frosting and sprinkles.  Six kids and their parents joined us, and everyone had fun!  I am still blown away at how seven kids can destroy my basement and have every single toy out in .05 seconds. 
The group is made up of a variety of different women, but we all share the commonality of being a SMC.  It's the only group of people with whom I spend time that actually "gets it".  I never get the, "But *Sidekick* is so easy" comment.  Yes, he is easy, but that doesn't mean I am any less tired then a married mom with two kids.  I have no family here, so I am raising Sidekick on my own 24/7.  I lose my patience like any married mom. I wake up tired like any married mom. I have the same struggles like any married mom.  My kid challenges me and throws temper tantrums just like their kids. 
And then I've gotten the comment, "Be thankful you don't have two kids to deal with.  It's so much easier with one."  You know what?  I'd love to have two kids, but my finances and my fear of having any type of debt prevent me from having another one.  If I had a husband, I could afford to have another kid because I could afford daycare for two.  It makes me sad that I can't have another kid. So, that comment never makes me feel better. 
And my favorite:  "Well, my husband isn't very helpful, so I understand how you feel" comment.  No, you don't understand.  It isn't even close!  That mom generally has a dual income.  That mom has an able body in the house so if the kid(s) is sleeping, she can at least run out to Target at 8:00 and roam around in no hurry while her husband sits on his ass at home and watches TV.  That mom has someone who does something, whether he is a big contributor to the family household or not, that I don't have.  So, it's not the same.  Not even a little.

So, this group understands.  It's like we have an unspoken truth about being a SMC.  So, rather than bitch about our husbands, we talk about our kids and our desire to find a husband (not because we need one but because we would like to have someone with whom to share our lives), and I can't even think of a time when we have bitched about our kids.  We understand how blessed we are.  We understand how hard it is doing it alone.  We understand that it's hard to keep it together.  We do it all by ourselves, and we do it as best as we can.  So while people try to compare my single lifestyle to their married lifestyle, this group of women just "gets it".  There never needs to be an explanation for anything because instinctively we all know what it's like to walk in the SMC shoes.


  1. I've also noticed I tend to feel a connection with other moms that have had to deal with fertility issues (single and married)...they tend to understand that desperation at potentially watching a dream drift away. I never imagined I would have these connections with other women all over the world simply because we decided to SMC, but I love the support network that exists. I remembered the work potluck tomorrow after I put my son to bed. If I was married I could just run out and get something right now, but instead I will have to stop at the store tomorrow before work (we already leave the house at 6:30, so that sucks)....coupled families don't get that.

  2. Very true. I am more comfortable socializing with SMCs because there's less pretense.

  3. Hi there! I am commenting anonymously because I have no account here, but I have been following your blog since I was pregnant with my daughter. I am a single mom, although not a SMC, and have been from the beginning, and I relate to so much of what you deal with! One thing that kills me is people trying to relate married parenting to single parenting, it feels almost insulting sometimes. Something as simple as having a warm body in the house if you need to run out for something makes a HUGE difference in you life. Everywhere i go, my daughter goes. Having another paycheck makes a HUGE difference. Being a stay at home parent and taking care of your child alone for 8 hours is not the same as being financially responsible for your family, and solely responsible for your child's care. Not that those things aren't without struggle and hardship, but it is not even on the same plane as what we single parents handle every day! We are some tough mamas!