Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas Blows!

I hate the holidays. There, I said it.  I don't have fond memories of Christmas. In fact, I can't think of a time when I was ever in the holiday spirit. There always seems to be fighting going on in my family and a couple of times, my mom didn't come out of her bedroom for whatever reason, and Christmas was canceled. As a kid, I can't remember loving Christmas. I must have at one point, but I have no memories of it. (How sad.)

This year I was determined to change all of that so that Sidekick only has good memories of Christmas.  I wanted to create our own traditions. I wanted to begin loving Christmas and not dreading it each year.  I wanted to be wowed by the magic of Christmas!

I tried to get into the holiday spirit because of Sidekick. I put up a Christmas tree, decorated my house, and put Christmas decorations outside. Because of a fallout at my sister's last Christmas (see, bad memories of Christmas once again) Sidekick and I are alone this year because we weren't invited to go to my sister's. I've tried to make the best of Christmas and have failed miserably. 

Sidekick hasn't been feeling well, but remember that post the other day about how much I love him? (I am in Love) For the first time EVER, I can honestly say that I don't like him right now.

We went to Christmas service last night so that I could make a nice, fancy dinner tonight (Christmas Eve). I made a ham, potatoes, stuffing, and rolls. I was so proud of myself for timing everything perfectly and it tasting good.  After that, we were going to put PJs on and watch a movie.  When we sat down for dinner, Sidekick refused to eat any if it!  He never does that. He cried. He screamed. He had a tantrum. I put him on the stairs for a time out and he screamed. He calmed down, sat back at the table, and refused to eat. Repeat this pattern about four times until out of the blue, blood came pouring out of his nose! All of a sudden durning my anger and frustration, I had to be sweet and loving towards my child because he was hemoraging (not literally). At this point I had finished eating my good dinner and gave up on him eating. 

I decided to give him a bath while I took a shower (my big tub is right next to my shower) in hopes that we could both calm down. Sidekick has been dry for three days now, but has not been succesful pooping on the potty (one time in his underpants at school and didn't poop yesterday). I was doing all I could to get him to poop on the potty today, but he couldn't go. Can you see where I'm going with this???  While I had not spoken a word to my child for about ten minutes because I was so angry, the next thing I found myself doing is yelling at him for pooping the bathtub!  Seriously, I was at the end of my rope.  

I was so done with him, and my night was so far from what I ever imagined it would be. I know he needed to eat.  I know he doesn't feel well.  I know he wanted to watch a movie with me. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible as I continued to fight him on everything f'n thing!  I've yelled at him nonstop, and I never do that.  It's a time like this when I miss having a partner in my life so that I can turn Sidekick over to him and just walk away.

So right now he is watching Rudolph while I sit at my table typing this because I don't feel like snuggling with him. After Rudolph is over, he is going to bed. After which I will need to muster some excitement for filling his stocking and putting his presents around the Christmas tree. In true Christmas fashion, Christmas sucks ass once again. 

Yes, he has apologized countless times and told me he loves me, but dammit, he's a miserable human being tonight. I can honestly say that he has never, ever acted like this child tonight. His behavior is so unacceptable. While I can blame some of it on him not feeling well, that doesn't give him a "Get out of Jail Free" card. My mom has a gift that is supposed to be opened tonight, and I don't want to give it to him. Why should I?  He doesn't deserve it!

Merry Christmas!  I hope yours is much more enjoyable than mine has been thus far.. 

Bah Humbug!


  1. I'm sorry your Christmas sucked! I hope your day was better today! I unfortunately know the fighting-problem on Christmas.. I planned on visiting my family for a week but after the weekend I was so stressed out that I decided to travel back home and spent Christmas all on my own. And finally I had a peaceful Christmas.. at least this once and I'm looking forward to really spending it with my son next year <3

  2. This is exactly what I experienced Thanksgiving weekend with my children. I couldn't stand to be around them. I was miserable because I thought this was going to be the new (awful) normal. Guess what? It wasn't. 3 days later they were their old selves again and I could once more enjoy their company. I know it's miserable to go through but hang in there--it will get better once the holiday induced family tension dissipates. (In hindsight, that's what I blamed our behavior nightmare on.)

  3. Since we all seem to be son went on a nap strike this past week. I was exhausted on the first day of the nap strike (the pregnancy is kicking my butt), and he kept giving me his naughty smile every time I put him back in his bed (this is not usually an issue for him at all). I took all of his brand new Hanukkah toys away from him and locked them in the guest bedroom. The strike lasted five miserably long days. It meant an exhausted bloodshot eyed child bordering on hyperactive, and an exhausted cranky mom...combined with a lack of new and exciting toys (read distractions) and a ban on cartoons. Until I realized that my pushing him away was making us both worse. I ended realizing we both needed the snuggling, hugs, and quality time together to get us back on track. Good luck!

  4. So here's my thoughts on how to make a wonderful, memorable Christmas. Don't make the fancy dinner. Not now. Quick, yummy, simple dinner. Otherwise there's just too much pressure and it leads to meltdowns and misery. Stick to the snuggles and movies and simple stuff. Next year will be better. (And honestly, I think doing it on your own might be even better than with family.)