Sunday, October 19, 2014

Church and Prayers

I didn't go to church growing up, but I wish I did.  I started going to one years ago and was going regularly and then I stopped going (long story).  I decided that Sidekick and I should start going again.  He goes to Kids Ministry while I sit and listen to an awesome Pastor talk for an hour. It's about the only break I get outside of my home, so I enjoy the time spent there in quiet "solitude".

Now that he is two, they always do a little lesson about God.  After his first time there, our conversation on the way home went like this:

Me:  Did you like going to church?
Him:  Yes.
Me:  What did you learn about?
Him:  God (WOW!)
Me:  What about God?
Him:  God helps. (WOW!)

One hour later, he had learned a little lesson about God.  I was proud of him and decided that together we will learn about who this God is. 

Last night we went to church.  I was hoping I would find some kind of peace, hope, understanding, etc. about the situation with my friend, E.  Boy, did I luck out!  The whole talk was about confession (not in a Catholic kind of way).  We need to confess to one another when we do something wrong.  If we know someone is mad at or upset with us, we need to stop everything and go to that person.  (These were all in verses from the Bible.)  So... the entire time I was thinking about E!  Am I supposed to go to her even though she said not to?  Confusion.

This is a contemporary church, so sometimes the Pastor does really cool things.  Last night at the end of the service, we were able to take a piece of fabric, write whatever on it, and tie it to a structure.  I asked to help me find peace and understanding with this situation and say kind prayers for E. I tied it on the structure, and went to pick up Sidekick.  I was still a bit baffled by the verse about dropping everything and going to that person if we know that person is angry with us.  Do I know/think E is angry with me?  I have no idea! So... Sidekick and I went back into the auditorium to get some clarity. 

I was going to ask an Associate Pastor, but the lead Pastor was just standing there, so with Sidekick by my side, I briefly explained that E is depressed, she relied on me all the time but she ended our friendship out of the blue, and she doesn't want to speak with me, etc.  Am I to listen to her or go to her like the Bible verse explains?  His answer was you pray for her.  Hmmmmm.  But he followed up with not praying that a boulder falls on her head.  Haha!  He told me that is one of the hardest things to do, but it's what I have to do. I fought back tears and thanked him.  I've only wanted peace and happiness for her, and even though I've been sad for almost a week, I still pray for her.  Apparently it's all I can do.

So, last night I decided to talk to Sidekick about praying.  I explained that we pray to God when we need help, when we are sad, when we are happy, when we are grateful, or when we need to be watched over. I asked him who we are going to pray for, and here was our conversation:

Me:  Who should we pray for?
Him:  Momma, Sidekick, E...
Me:  Why E?
Him:  E makes Momma sad.  (Wow!) 
Me:  Anyone else?
Him:  Monsters, Inc!

And with that, I laughed out loud, and I needed that.  Here when I thought I was getting to him, and he adds Monsters, Inc. to the mix!  Nonetheless, I think we will pray together every night because it was a quiet, special time together.

So, today I am feeling more at peace and calmer with the situation. I don't know if time has helped or if Church helped, but either way, I feel less sad, and for that I am so grateful.  We've yet to officially run into them outside, and I hope that when we do, we can be civil, but then I fear Sidekick's confusion with the whole situation because I know he'll want to run and hug them.  In the meantime, I am just going to continue working through this until it no longer hurts. Ever. Again.

1 comment:

  1. Your posts are so honest and heartfelt. I wish you much peace and healing.