Monday, January 13, 2014

It Must be the Pain Meds!

Yesterday I felt so blessed to have Sidekick in my life! (I go through periods where my love for him is so strong.)  It could have been the strong pain meds I've been taking, but while we snuggled on the sofa and watched Sesame Street before bedtime, I just felt so darn lucky that he is mine!  He's just recently taken an interest in TV, and since my back has been so bad for ten long days now, I appreciate that he will quietly sit still for even 20 minutes to watch a little bit of a show.  He'll also sit and read books to himself for quite some time (or with me for an hour if I keep reading to him!).  Anyway, for whatever reason, last night I just found myself just being so thankful for this little guy and loving him so much.  I was reminded how I made the best choice to move on to my dream (have a baby) instead of find a man before it was "too late" to reach my dream. 

In all honesty, sometimes I find myself thinking about what life would be like if Sidekick was a girl.  Every once in a while I still have gender disappointment (I would never utter that to any friends or family, and I never did when I found out I was having a boy), and I think it's pretty common, but I wonder if it's common 18 months after a child is born.  I think about getting manicures with "her" (let's be honest, I don't even do that that now!), helping "her" pick out "her" prom dress, seeing "her" dance on stage in "her" recital, etc.  As a SMC, I've always had trepidation when thinking about raising a teenage boy because I obviously have no experience with what it is like to be a boy/man. However, surprisingly, I have found myself being obsessed with shopping for new clothes or shoes for Sidekick (I can't remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!).  I enjoy the hunt of making my son look preppy, rocker cute (yes, I've given his "style" that name).  I don't even gravitate towards the girl clothes anymore. I'm enjoying playing with his favorite train set or a little tool box with which he is obsessed.  He knows when things are "bwoke" and will get his tools to fix them and then give up and ask me to fix it.  I can't wait to use the T-ball set this summer that I bought him a couple of months ago. And, I can't wait to raise him to be a respectful, helpful, successful, loving, happy young man.  (Apparently all of the qualities I'm looking for in a man.)

So... when I have those moments of wanting a girl, I remind myself when I am snuggling on the sofa with Sidekick that I would never, ever, ever trade him for a girl!  I have the happiest, easiest, funniest child around, and I wouldn't give him up for painted fingernails or a tutu.  Besides, along with a girl comes sassiness, snottiness, mean-girls, drama, hormones, needing to keep up with the Joneses, etc. I'd rather Sidekick punch a boy in the face (not really) and then their fight is over instead of cyber bullying with mean girls that go on for weeks.  I'd rather Sidekick be thrilled with his jeans from Old Navy instead of demanding a $200 pair from The Buckle. I'd rather Sidekick just shake things off instead of get so wrapped up in the drama of simple things that always seem to blow up so out of control . I'm worried about raising a boy, but I think I just might be more afraid to raise a girl. 

I've always believed that we get the child/children we are meant to have.  I am meant to have Sidekick and he is so perfect in every, single way I could imagine.  So... gender disappointment, if that's even what I can call it because it seems so unfair to Sidekick, is gone... at least until the pain meds wear off.  : )


  1. Weird, my son just started to watch TV about two weeks ago. Maybe it is a stage of development or something?

    While I never felt gender disappointment (ever since high school, I have assumed I would have a boy), but I can totally relate to being worried about what a boy might be interested in. Someday, we will have our special moments that only a mother and son can experience (buying a corsage for his first dance, dancing with him at his wedding, etc.)!

  2. When my son was 4 years old, I looked over at him and was filled with so much love; it was an overpowering feeling. That's what it means to be a mom--along with the mundane, the challenges, there is a great love that is like nothing else.

    When my boys are destroying the house or imagining space battles, I sometimes wish I had a girl. But you are right, we have the child(ren) we were meant to have. I wouldn't change a thing.

    Hope your back is a little better today!

  3. Hi :) I love your blog! The witty, hilarious way you come across.. I really enjoy following your journey! I'm pre-TTC right now for Baby #1 and so I read a lot of blogs and yours is one of my favourites! I recently started sharing my SMC journey on my blog ( It was a huge step but reading about all of your journeys gave me the courage to start sharing it, before I even started TTC. Originally I planned on writing about it, once I'm 12 weeks pregnant, but I realised that getting pregnant might be harder than I hope and there'll be bumps along the way anyways and there might be someone one day who's in the same situation and needs support..
    So I wanted to reach out to a few of you before I start TTC..
    Also I hope you're feeling better by now!
    Julia :)

    1. Hi, Julia! Thanks for you nice comments. I wish you all of the luck with your journey. If you go way back to when I started my blog, you'll see it wasn't an easy journey to get pregnant, so know you are definitely not alone. Writing is an outlet for me, so I say whatever I want. No one I know reads my blog, so I don't hold back. : )

    2. Thank you so very much!
      Family and close friends read my blog, so I do have to kinda keep an eye on what I say, but in the end I don't really care. They know I'm a weirdo and they're still there, so I hope they're fine with it :D And they obviously know about my babyplans anyways! x