"John's" Sperm are Flying Across the Country (but shouldn't they be swimming?) : )

I've taken the second to last step in this IUI journey (the last step is actually doing the IUI). My vials are on their way to my doctor's office and will be waiting for me when it is the right "time". I have decided that my friends and family who know about this will not know when I am actually doing the IUI, but they do know it's in April. I've given a couple of people dates in the middle of May, and have explained that if they don't hear anything by then, then it was negative. I wonder if I'll be able to keep silent during the 2ww, but I'm going to try. I don't want everyone waiting to hear if I am pregnant or not because that's too much pressure on me. I may tell people if I did get a BFN, but it will be when I'm ready not necessarily when people expect me to find out. That's my plan now for now, but I'm not sure if I'll stick to it. Onward...

Naming my Baby's Donor...

As I sat holding my Meggan's newborn baby the other night, we were trying to figure out if she has her mom or dad's features. I made a joke about doing that with my baby and saying, "He/she has my eyes and 11429's nose." We laughed about it. When I told my friend, Laura, the story the next day, she decided my baby's Donor needs a name. She decided that based on the title of his profile that he should be named John. I don't have a John in my life, so all of a sudden my baby's daddy is now John. Naming my baby's daddy somehow made it more personal and less clinical. Now when I hold my baby in my arms, I can say, "He/she has my eye's and John's nose." I think that was a great idea my friend had!

Welcome to the World (and my Future), Baby Girl!

My good friend, Meggan, had a baby girl yesterday. I was lucky and privileged enough to have gotten to hang out with them last night. She handed me that sweet bundle of joy and said, "You will have one soon." She told her newborn daughter that soon I will have Charli (Charlotte, my girl's name) for her to play with. My heart melted. Could it be? As I held that baby and stared at her sweet little face, I began freaking out inside. This could be me in less than 12 months! Meggan told me how in love she was with her daughter already, and I want to know what that is like.

Meggan's parents (who came in town), her two sets of in laws, and her sister-in-law were all in the waiting room for the delivery. My family lives in different states, so I will not be lucky enough to have all the support that Meggan has. I know that I am going into this solo and cannot and will not expect help from others. I can't because that is just not right since this is a decision I am making, but any help I do get would be a gift. I am told that if anyone can do this, I can.

Meggan has been very open with me about everything with regards to being pregnant, having the baby, and the "after effects" of the baby being out. She definitely hasn't held any of the grusome details back! I was there when she had to get cleaned up from all the blood she was losing. I was there when they checked her incision and changed the bags of ice that were strapped to her abdomen. I was there when they made her lay on her side, and saw the effort it took to get her in the least painful position. I was there when they made her painful, c-sectioned body sit up on the edge of the bed for the first time. It's all seems so overwhelming, and while she said it all kind of sucks, she also said it is all worth it.

When I got home, I texted a friend of mine who has three children (one is 6 weeks old), and she reassured me that everything I am thinking and feeling is normal. She told me everything I needed to hear. One of her text messages was, "There are tons of single parents out there. You have so much love to give this little one and she will be so lucky to have you as her mom." I am absorbing everything so differently with being around this newborn baby. I look at her differently than any other baby I have ever held in my arms. I look at this baby as my future and while it'll be challenging, it will all be worth it! The days on the calendar are quickly flying by!

Proud Owner of my Baby's Donor's Sperm!

Picking my baby's daddy has been stressful to say the least. My first pick ran out of vials, which forced me to find a new guy. I had chosen my first runner up and noticed that he suddenly was getting low on vials. Needless to say, I panicked, and needed to make a decision... fast- especially since my second runner up all of a sudden didn't have any vials left! I had always thought that I would order two at a time, but this didn't seem like a good risk since he was getting low and was retired. I learned about a "plan" the bank was offering which was to buy five vials and the bank will store them for free for a year, I get free shipping for my first shipment, and any remaining stored vials at the bank could be refunded for 50%. The last thing I wanted was to not be successful the first couple of tries, run out of vials, and need to pick a new guy, so I bought five! Yep! I am now the proud owner of five vials of sperm. Now, I have to decide how many vials I'll send in the first time-- two or three?

My Baby's Donor has Run out of Sperm???

I was pretty sure I had chosen my baby's Donor until I learned after logging in to his profile, that there are no more "donations" remaining. Really?! How can that be?! I mean, I know how that is possible, but I can't believe it happened without warning. According to the website, he had over 25 vials available less than a month ago. All I can think of is that there are going to be a lot of his kids running around this planet. I guess he's not meant to be my baby's Donor, and I must choose another daddy which seems to be all of sudden really stressing me out!

On another note, I ran my third half marathon this past weekend which resulted in a pretty bad injury. It looks as if my days of running half marathons are over. I am/was scheduled to run another one next month, and since it looks like this is not going to be possible, the big question from everyone has been... will I be trying to get pregnant sooner? One of the reasons I was postponing getting pregnant sooner was because of my half marathons in February and April. Since I don't plan to run the April race, I could do this sooner than originally planned. I'm already beginning to stress out because I have to choose another baby daddy, get paper work done on my end, have the doctor's office fill out paperwork on his end, etc. Time is flying and the clock is ticking! I need to really get moving on the next chapter of my life.