Post Christmas Wrap Up

Okay, so I just read my last post about my f'd up Christmas Eve, and boy did I get a chuckle out of it!  I typed it up in such anger and frustration, and I never read what I actually typed until just now.  It really did make me laugh because I was reliving the chaos of what it was like to be a Momma to a toddler on my not-so-perfect Christmas Eve.  Thank you to those who responded and made me feel better.  I guess I am just taken aback when Sidekick behaves in a way that is so out of the norm for him, and the fact that it happened on Christmas Eve just make the situation worse.  It truly was a time when I felt like I failed as a mom and that really bothered me. But I am glad I wrote about it in the midst of my frustration because I can see the humor in it all now. 

I did a "fancy" dinner out of guilt.  My mom gave me a hard time awhile ago because I don't really like the holidays, and therefore Sidekick will never really "experience" Christmas.  I felt like he would "experience" it through my family's typical Christmas Eve dinner so I made it.  I know the had no idea that it was any different than any other dinner he eats (trust me, that dinner was a huge step up!), but I can at least I thought I would feel good that I did my best to show him what Christmas is all about, even if it was an epic fail!

Christmas day was fine.  For the first time ever, Sidekick understood what opening presents is all about, so he enjoyed unwrapping everything.  We Skyped my mom, sister, and her family and opened presents with each other.  In all honesty, Christmas day felt like any other day, except there was wrapping paper involved.  Sidekick got a three wheel "scooter", so after nap, it was so nice outside, so we went outside to try it out.  He hopped on that thing and acted like he had been riding it for months.  He looked like a pro and such a big boy!

Christmas is kept to a minimum as I don't believe he should be flooded with a bazillion presents.  He also got a couple of play dough "kits", some puzzles, a bucket of musical instruments (this Momma is hoping some of them get lost- haha!), and a Duplo set, and we haven't played with half of them.  I guess I'm just spreading out the gifts for a snowy day when we are trapped. 

And finally... potty training sucks!!!!!  This is the one and only thing I have freaked out about ever since becoming a parent.  He's been in underpants for eight days now.  He has been dry every single one of those days, but the kid does not know how to time the pooping thing.  For whatever reason, he poops every other day now, so in those eight days, he's pooped one time in the bath tub and three times in his underpants.  I'm seriously at my wits end!  It frustrates me so much! He understands that he poops in the potty, but I think he can't figure out how to make it to the potty in time.  As soon as he starts, he gets upset because he knows it's "wrong".  I know that I'm not supposed to punish him for accidents, but I have resorted to taking his 20 minutes of TV away from him when he poops anywhere but the potty.  Call me a horrible parent.  No TV is the one thing that has seemed to be something that really bothers him, so hopefully he'll figure all of this out sooner rather than later.

So while my little guy is still being a handful, my fingers are crossed that we will be back on track very soon. Once he gets back into our normal routine, life will hopefully go back to normal. He's a kid that thrives on routine, and his routine is out of whack right now (as is his momma!).

Christmas Blows!

I hate the holidays. There, I said it.  I don't have fond memories of Christmas. In fact, I can't think of a time when I was ever in the holiday spirit. There always seems to be fighting going on in my family and a couple of times, my mom didn't come out of her bedroom for whatever reason, and Christmas was canceled. As a kid, I can't remember loving Christmas. I must have at one point, but I have no memories of it. (How sad.)

This year I was determined to change all of that so that Sidekick only has good memories of Christmas.  I wanted to create our own traditions. I wanted to begin loving Christmas and not dreading it each year.  I wanted to be wowed by the magic of Christmas!

I tried to get into the holiday spirit because of Sidekick. I put up a Christmas tree, decorated my house, and put Christmas decorations outside. Because of a fallout at my sister's last Christmas (see, bad memories of Christmas once again) Sidekick and I are alone this year because we weren't invited to go to my sister's. I've tried to make the best of Christmas and have failed miserably. 

Sidekick hasn't been feeling well, but remember that post the other day about how much I love him? (I am in Love) For the first time EVER, I can honestly say that I don't like him right now.

We went to Christmas service last night so that I could make a nice, fancy dinner tonight (Christmas Eve). I made a ham, potatoes, stuffing, and rolls. I was so proud of myself for timing everything perfectly and it tasting good.  After that, we were going to put PJs on and watch a movie.  When we sat down for dinner, Sidekick refused to eat any if it!  He never does that. He cried. He screamed. He had a tantrum. I put him on the stairs for a time out and he screamed. He calmed down, sat back at the table, and refused to eat. Repeat this pattern about four times until out of the blue, blood came pouring out of his nose! All of a sudden durning my anger and frustration, I had to be sweet and loving towards my child because he was hemoraging (not literally). At this point I had finished eating my good dinner and gave up on him eating. 

I decided to give him a bath while I took a shower (my big tub is right next to my shower) in hopes that we could both calm down. Sidekick has been dry for three days now, but has not been succesful pooping on the potty (one time in his underpants at school and didn't poop yesterday). I was doing all I could to get him to poop on the potty today, but he couldn't go. Can you see where I'm going with this???  While I had not spoken a word to my child for about ten minutes because I was so angry, the next thing I found myself doing is yelling at him for pooping the bathtub!  Seriously, I was at the end of my rope.  

I was so done with him, and my night was so far from what I ever imagined it would be. I know he needed to eat.  I know he doesn't feel well.  I know he wanted to watch a movie with me. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible as I continued to fight him on everything f'n thing!  I've yelled at him nonstop, and I never do that.  It's a time like this when I miss having a partner in my life so that I can turn Sidekick over to him and just walk away.

So right now he is watching Rudolph while I sit at my table typing this because I don't feel like snuggling with him. After Rudolph is over, he is going to bed. After which I will need to muster some excitement for filling his stocking and putting his presents around the Christmas tree. In true Christmas fashion, Christmas sucks ass once again. 

Yes, he has apologized countless times and told me he loves me, but dammit, he's a miserable human being tonight. I can honestly say that he has never, ever acted like this child tonight. His behavior is so unacceptable. While I can blame some of it on him not feeling well, that doesn't give him a "Get out of Jail Free" card. My mom has a gift that is supposed to be opened tonight, and I don't want to give it to him. Why should I?  He doesn't deserve it!

Merry Christmas!  I hope yours is much more enjoyable than mine has been thus far.. 

Bah Humbug!

I am in Love

This isn't "that" kind of post because I haven't fallen in love with a great guy (or even met him for that matter), but it's a post about how much I love my son.  I go through phases when I can't wrap my arms around him enough, I tell him how much I love him all the time (yet that doesn't seem to be enough), and I just take in all that he offers me and the world.  I know that every (okay, maybe most) Mom feels blessed to have her children and every Mom (again, most) thinks her child is the best one out there. Lately, I am that Mom, and it just consumes every ounce of me.  Sometimes I am in disbelief that I made him, that he grew inside of me, and that he is growing into an amazing little boy. Am I the only one who goes through this? 

When I ask him, "How much do I love you?"  His response is, "Too much." (I think he means "So much" because that's what I tell him, but his "s's" aren't the great right now.)  Anyway, his answer always makes me smile. Even when he wipes every single kiss off his face, I laugh and don't take offense. I can't even imagine loving him too much, but holy shit I love this kid!  I especially love when he does or says something and then follows up with, "I make you happy!"  What 2 1/2 year old says that?!  He always wants me to be happy and knows when I'm not (which is not often).  He is so in tuned to me that it's kind of freaky. 

I remember when my friends or my sister had their first kid, they told me how much they immediately loved their babies. I never understood that.  I remember them telling me a few weeks later how they've never loved anyone like they love their child.  I couldn't wrap my head around that.  But as soon as Sidekick was put in my arms, I loved him.  It was that simple.  I just plain loved him.  As he grows into this amazing little boy, I love him more each day.  I love the person he has become, and I can see that he is going to be a loving, caring, funny, outgoing, smart man (the kind I wish I could find!).  He is perfect in every way (minus the two year old moments he has).  He is better than I could have ever hoped and imagined he would be. 

So, as we approach Christmas with just the two of us celebrating together, I am reminded of how blessed I am.  Without him, who would I be now?  Where would I be now?  In just 2 1/2 short years, my world has been turned upside down in the most positive, amazing way I could ever imagine. Who knew that a little human being weighing 9 pounds 8 ounces who could do absolutely nothing on his own but pee and poop could do that to someone?

And for a little chuckle, here are a few pics "with" Santa. This one was at a members only night at a children's museum:

 

 

This one was when an awesome, beautiful Santa with a real beard visited his school (see  pic after this one).  I went in hopes of snapping a good picture since the picture at the museum was unsuccessful.  This is what I got.  Yep, he didn't want anything to do with Santa, but he sat at a table near him.  Little shit!

 

This is the beautiful, awesome Santa that visited school.  Sidekick wasn't a fan last year either:

 

 

Finally, I love this picture of Sidekick from a few weeks ago decorating his own Christmas tree for his bedroom with his big, furry sister supervising.  (He had more fun decorating his own tree than he did doing the big one in the living room):

 

 

 

 

Whistle

Whistle is Sidekick's Elf.  My sister gave him Elf on the Shelf when he was five months old, so that I would have it when Sidekick was "ready".  I decided to try it last week, and Sidekick loves it. Shockingly, he finds him right away every morning.  I don't hide it in really hard places, but he definitely has to search for him.  Plus, we have the read the book every f'n night!!!! 

Sidekick woke up about 30 minutes earlier (6:45) than normal this morning asking for water. He's never done that. Since we were at the point of no return, I just got him up and he started his day earlier.  He went potty, and when I turned on his bedroom light to get him dressed, I found this:

 

 

Yep!  That's Whistle's hat on Sidekick's hat rack, but Whistle was on the floor!  I quickly ushered Sidekick out of his room asking him to turn off his bathroom light, picked up Whistle, put his hat back on, and hung him from his arms.  Lesson learned... Whistle's hat is not glued on very well.  As soon as Sidekick walked into the room, he saw Whistle.  Phew!

 

What I think is funny is that Whistle's hat remained on the hat rack!  I guess he just felt like he shouldn't be there with all of the other hats. 

 

On a side note, I have found Christmas to be more fun now that Sidekick is older.  He loves to look at Christmas lights.  He loves reading Christmas books.  He loves watching the Christmas specials on TV.  He loves Whistle, and that he will report back to Santa every night.  He loves the excitement of it all. Once again, I love seeing the world through his eyes because it gives me a while new perspective.  

"Hallelujah" and a SMC Playdate

Sidekick loves all kinds of music.  He can hear a song one or two times and recognize it right away each time after that.  He heard "Hallelujah" one time, and this is what happened next time he heard it:
 

 
 
His sweet little voice and passion for music just melt my heart. I especially like the end when he starts to sing Yo Gabba Gabba.  (He has quite an eclectic taste in music.  Haha!)
 
Yesterday we hosted a play date with our local SMC group.  I joined earlier this year and it wasn't very active and their aren't a lot of people, which was kind of disappointing.  Someone finally decided that we should have a monthly meet-up, so December was my month.  I decided in my spare time (yeah, right!) I would bake 7 dozen sugar cookies off all different shapes (snowflake, Christmas tree, gingerbread man, etc.) and the kids would decorate them with frosting and sprinkles.  Six kids and their parents joined us, and everyone had fun!  I am still blown away at how seven kids can destroy my basement and have every single toy out in .05 seconds. 
 
The group is made up of a variety of different women, but we all share the commonality of being a SMC.  It's the only group of people with whom I spend time that actually "gets it".  I never get the, "But *Sidekick* is so easy" comment.  Yes, he is easy, but that doesn't mean I am any less tired then a married mom with two kids.  I have no family here, so I am raising Sidekick on my own 24/7.  I lose my patience like any married mom. I wake up tired like any married mom. I have the same struggles like any married mom.  My kid challenges me and throws temper tantrums just like their kids. 
 
And then I've gotten the comment, "Be thankful you don't have two kids to deal with.  It's so much easier with one."  You know what?  I'd love to have two kids, but my finances and my fear of having any type of debt prevent me from having another one.  If I had a husband, I could afford to have another kid because I could afford daycare for two.  It makes me sad that I can't have another kid. So, that comment never makes me feel better. 
 
And my favorite:  "Well, my husband isn't very helpful, so I understand how you feel" comment.  No, you don't understand.  It isn't even close!  That mom generally has a dual income.  That mom has an able body in the house so if the kid(s) is sleeping, she can at least run out to Target at 8:00 and roam around in no hurry while her husband sits on his ass at home and watches TV.  That mom has someone who does something, whether he is a big contributor to the family household or not, that I don't have.  So, it's not the same.  Not even a little.

So, this group understands.  It's like we have an unspoken truth about being a SMC.  So, rather than bitch about our husbands, we talk about our kids and our desire to find a husband (not because we need one but because we would like to have someone with whom to share our lives), and I can't even think of a time when we have bitched about our kids.  We understand how blessed we are.  We understand how hard it is doing it alone.  We understand that it's hard to keep it together.  We do it all by ourselves, and we do it as best as we can.  So while people try to compare my single lifestyle to their married lifestyle, this group of women just "gets it".  There never needs to be an explanation for anything because instinctively we all know what it's like to walk in the SMC shoes.