Tuesday, September 20, 2011

It's been a long time... a really long time!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be sitting here not pregnant five months after starting this journey!  It's been really tough and I haven't wanted to write much about it.  I'm not even sure I could go back and remember everything that has been going on.  Let's try...

I finally decided to try injections so that I could produce more than one egg... increasing my chances of successfully conceiving. While that was a very tough decision because in my opinion, doing so messes with nature, and I was not happy about putting those kinds of medicines in my body, I came to peace with it because it seems to be the only chance I have to get pregnant. I fear having more than one baby, so with a conversation with my friends about their inability to conceive, I am 100% sure that if I have twins, they will adopt one of them (if I have triplets, they'll adopt two.).  My babies will have better lives that way because I can't afford two, nor do I have family living nearby to help.   Besides, what a great thing to do for two great people!  While I know giving one to them would be very difficult for me, I know that it is the right thing to do.  I am confident in that decision.  My babies will know about each other, and while my friends and I live a few hours from from each other, they will be in each other's lives. While part of me really wants to help them, I don't want to have to go through carrying twins and giving one to them because emotionally, that is going to be very difficult.

I've lost track how many times I have done IUIs... five?  six?  Yikes!  Anyway, I've had a spotting issue that I've been thinking might be contributing to the problem.  I typically spot about 7 dpiui and my BBT begins to drop about 10 dpiui. From what I have read, this makes implantation difficult.  I pushed my RE a bit to look into this and he did a different type of ultrasound (I can't remember the name of it).  Anyway, it appears as if I have Adenomyosis and with the issues with spotting/BBT, I've been diagnosed with Luteal Phase Defect.  With regards to the Luteal Phase Defect, progesterone and B6 haven't been working, so my RE has put me on hCG injections two different times after my IUI.  Last cycle, I had no spotting!  Because of the hCG injections, my RE needs to check my beta to see if the numbers are increasing to determine if I am pregnant.  My beta last time was low but positive.  RE thought by the time my blood was drawn, the hCG would be out of my system.  Two days later when I had my blood drawn again, my beta dropped.  Ugh!  That's so frustrating!

I have started the injections again, and my follicles are growing very slowly this time around.  I'd like to think that they are getting nice and healthy!  I'm not sure why this is happening especially since I have been stimming longer than "normal" and with higher doses, and when I don't do the injections, they grow faster.  My "typical" day of doing my IUI is not even close to being accurate this time around which is strange.  I kind of had an idea when my IUI would be and that date is way off.  Hmmm...

In the meantime, I have started running again after my horrible/painful injuries seven months ago.  I have my final half marathon next month (well, walk/run since my doctor won't allow me to run the whole thing), and I always planned on running it whether pregnant or not.  I figured that it's good to work out before and during pregnancy, so I jumped back in to get myself back in shape and healthy again. I've been training while focusing on my heart rate since I know when pregnant, heart rate needs to stay low.  I've always had a high heart rate, so it's been a challenge to keep it down, but I'm getting better.  I feel like running/working out is just another thing that will help me get pregnant. 

So there's a bit of an update of where I am in this frustrating journey.

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