I can't believe it is April already! April seemed so far away when I really started exploring this new adventure in my life. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was nervous. I'm terrified at the idea of this happening, but at the same time, I am beyond excited that it could happen. While I am not trying to have a baby the traditional way (father, mother, baby), I am content with my decision to do this "alone". I certainly don't feel like I am throwing in the towel with finding a husband to complete my family. I think perhaps the path my life is supposed to take is a little backwards, and I'm okay with that. In fact, I think if I already have a child on my own, the pressure of finding a man who wants to have children is nonexistent. If he and I choose to have another child that's great, but if we don't, then that's okay too.
I sent an email to my friends and family explaining how I want to handle this very delicate situation. I titled it "Rules for Conception". It explained that I will not be talking about this potential baby of mine anymore. I gave a far out date that explains if people don't hear from me by that date then I am not pregnant. It's the only way I think I can handle the stress of it all because I don't want people counting down the days with me. Fortunately, I found a private Facebook page for women like me, and because these women are pretty much strangers, I can tell them anything and everything as they have become a huge support for me!
The only "issue" is that my sister is the only person who knows about this blog. Either I don't write in it anymore, or she keeps this secret of mine quiet and never discusses it with me or anyone else. I can't imagine not writing about this adventure during the most important time, when I actually do my first IUI. Decisions, decisions.
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