Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Getting Closer to Real if...

... I talk to my friend the embryologist. While I will never do IVF for my own personal reasons/values/beliefs, I would have the doctor with whom my friend works do the IUI because he is so experienced with that procedure. Somehow though talking to her makes everything more real. Not very many people know of my plan, partly because I don't want to be judged for the decisions I make. The friends who do know about this have been very supportive. While I want to have a conversation with my friend the embryologist, I want to make it clear to her that the conversation is between me and her only, and that I don't even want her husband to know. I also choose to tell very few people because why open that can of worms if I never get pregnant? Why talk about it and risk the judgements and opinions if I am never successful?

So, I think the next best step is to talk to my friend the embryologist. I'm really not sure what her reaction will be, so I am taking a risk in sharing this with her. It doesn't make sense not to tell her because I'd feel terrible if she happened to see me in the waiting room and didn't know why I was there. Plus, it would be good to just bounce things off her. For some reason though, this whole plan of mine becomes more real if I have that conversation with her. I don't know why because it doesn't really make me any closer to the procedure, but the conversation with her does make it more real than it ever has felt. I have a timeline in my head for everything, so I have to start getting my ducks in a row if I am really going to do this. I just hope that I trust that this will stay between her and me. I'll deal with telling people IF I am blessed to get pregnant but certainly not before. It'll be a test to see who my true friends are.

I guess it's time to see when my embryologist friend can get together with me to talk.

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