Friday, December 9, 2016

What Happened to November?

Wow!  I had no idea that it's been so long since I've blogged!  Wasn't it just Halloween and here we are just a little over two weeks away from Christmas.

Life has been insanely busy.  For the past four months, I've been working my a$$ off trying to secure a $2 million account (after 14 years doing this, it's my largest one ever!).  I won it at one point, and then just two days later, I un-won it because they thought the vote was too close.  So for ten more days, I continued to work the account in hopes of a good outcome, and fortunately I won it again!  We cut them an amazing deal, but it had to be approved by their Board and Purchase Orders need to be cut. The was a glitch in that on the customer's end.  We didn't think we'd be able to get all POs from them, which meant I didn't get 2016 credit for the entire order, which meant a significantly less bonus for me.  Ugh!  I am hopeful that I will get a PO by the end of the day today or first thing on Monday.  Needless to say, there has been an enormous amount of stress, lots of tears, upset stomachs, and sleepless nights. It's been quite an awful four months. 

But Halloween was fun and we had a 14th birthday party for Dog:

In not the exact words, Sidekick told me at one point when I was a crazy person with work that I was not a good Mom. Talk about a tug at your heart strings!  I was so in over my head that I was doing what I could to survive the stress of work and being a single mom.  It was really hard, but he somehow went with the flow and was rewarded with our first time going to Six Flags (bought 2017 season pass that could also be used in 2016). I think I may have redeemed myself a little bit that day, and during the fun time I needed to be reminded of what is really important in life, and it's that sweet boy who calls me "Momma".  And that took us into the holidays...
I'm not a fan of the holidays, and I've mentioned it every year since I started this blog.  I wish I could just go to sleep on Thanksgiving and wake up on January 2nd.  Shortly after my birthday and before Thanksgiving, I went into a bad funk.  For one week, I could barely drag myself out of bed to take care of Sidekick and work. If I was working from home (because I have a home office), I found myself working less and laying on my sofa more and sleeping.  One of the weekends Sidekick played in the basement or if he was lucky get to watch "extra" TV while I was two floors up in my bed for hours on end. I checked on him every once in a while, but I just couldn't function.  It was bad.  Really bad.  Through it all, Sidekick was amazing. 
I'm not someone who is very open with people when things are not going well in my life, which is probably why I blog anonymously.  I tend to just put on a good front.  During this time of my bad funk, I told a friend via text that I was not doing well and instead of receiving support from her, she gave me nothing. Absolutely nothing.  I was devastated because I thought she could be the friend to help me and to listen to me, instead she walked away.  Weeks later, she still doesn't understand why I was upset that she was being such a shitty friend when I needed her the most. Is it so difficult to just ask me what is going on, encourage me to talk to her, let me know she's here for me, etc.?  I had supported her so much through personal/work things that she was going through and the minute I hit rock bottom, she left. Eye opening. It really sucks that we work together and had to be together this week.  It was awkward, and I was miserable having to spend time with someone who I considered a good friend who ended up hurting me so much.  In the end, I decided we can't be close friends like we once were. I even unfriended her on Facebook and silly Fitbit to sever personal ties. I can and will be a civil colleague (as difficult as that may be), but I cannot be in a one sided friendship.  But, I miss her... a lot, so this is really, really hard. I'm trying to remind myself that I chose to do this because I didn't get out of her the quality of friendship and support that I was giving her.  Did I mention that I miss her?
So there's the latest in my life. I have invited five (or maybe it's six) SMC moms and their kids to our house on Sunday to decorate Christmas cookies.  It sounded like a great idea at the time, but now I have to make dozens and dozens of homemade cookies and clean my house. Today was supposed to be a vacation day so I could do all of that; instead, I had to work because there were problems with my $2 million account. And again, the stress level rises.  'Tis the season...


  1. Holiday seasons are rough enough without extra stress of work. I wish your work friend had been more understanding and empathetic. It really sucks when we finally reach out and the person blows us off. :-( I hope your cookie decorating party went well.

    1. Thanks! Since I am someone who doesn't open up to people easily and thinking that my friend might be the one I could talk to, it really sucks when it backfires in my face and my friend is someone I didn't think she was. Ugh!