I'm not Afraid to Admit It

I didn't like my son very much today.  Of course I love him, but today was a really tough day, and I don't know what happened to my perfect baby.  Okay, yes I do, and I only have myself to blame.  We were at my friends' house last night, and Sidekick fell asleep on the way home (we left at about 7:20).  When that happens, I  know I'm in trouble for at least the next 24 hours.  He woke up as soon as I took him out of his car seat and appeared to be pretty rejuvenated. (Great... sarcastically she types.)  I quickly and quietly put him in his PJs and gave him a bottle, but he laid awake in his crib until 9:00 (he is normally is asleep by 7:00).  That ten minute power nap really messed him up!

He woke up at his usual time, 7:00 AM, and I didn't go to him because I knew he need a little more rest.  He turned on his mobile and laid watching it for about another 30 or so minutes at which point I saw/heard, via the monitor, him standing in his crib yelling.  He was a mess from the minute I got him.  He was so crabby and while he needed to go down for a morning nap (he gave that up a couple of months ago), I knew if I did that, it would mess up his entire day. I couldn't get anything done today (laundry, cleaning floors, cleaning up his crap, dishes, etc.) because he wouldn't let me leave his side for a moment!  Every time I walked away, he screamed until he found me. Nothing made him happy.  Sidekick continued to mess up my home as no toy made him happy.  I somehow kept him going until 11:00, and he started falling asleep while eating lunch.

He woke up after two short hours.  I was pretty sure he'd sleep longer because he was so tired.  No such luck.  Again, he was crabby and screamed and cried if I was out of sight. I got so frustrated with him, that I put him back in his crib for about 30 minutes.  The kid needed some quiet time.  He turned on his mobile, snuggled with his monkey friend, and quietly laid in his crib.  I thought he'd be in a better mood after that.  Nope!  Crabby Sidekick was still hanging around.

We met my friends (who are moving) at the park because we had to get out or I was going to lose my mind!  On the way, I got a horrible migraine that messed up my vision.  I stopped at a Wendy's that had the longest drive-thru line (at 3:30 in the afternoon) so I could get some caffeine in me. Of course when we got to the park, Sidekick was so happy!  He swung for a long time, crawled around, and ate dinner. I got him buckled in his car seat seconds before a torrential downpour began. 

We headed to Target to get some diapers and of course he was a perfect angel.  He waved at people he saw, squealed in delight at whatever he saw and liked, and learned to make "raspberries" which made him laugh.  On the drive home, I did everything I could to keep him awake because I didn't want a repeat of last night.  He was in the bath and asleep before 7:00.

This was the longest day ever!  I know my child thrives on a schedule, and when I alter it, we both pay for it. Thankfully, he giggled in my arms tonight while I rocked him, and he lovingly stroked my face (something he used to do when he was younger).  He didn't seem to hate me even though I showed him my frustration all day.  I laid him in his crib and he quickly closed his eyes. Even though I didn't like my son for most of the day, I am still filled with this amazing amount of love for him despite his far from wonderful day.  I guess that's what unconditional love means.  I hope that the next time a day like this happens (because it will happen), I will keep calmer and not let his crabbiness upset me so much.  (Have I previously written that?)  After all, he's just a little guy who is just trying to tell me in the only way he can that he's having an "off" day.  We all have "off" days (only I feel like I never can anymore. That's another thing to write about at another time).

As I'm just about to "publish" this, Sidekick started screaming. And so begins what I hope won't be a long night.  This momma needs some peace and quiet!

Tomorrow is a new day (and it better be a good one!).

Sidekick's Pseudo-Daddy is Moving out of State

I always knew that if I was lucky enough to get pregnant, my best friend's husband would be a great role model for Sidekick.  Because of a job transfer, my best friend, Sidekick's Pseudo-Daddy, and their kids are moving out of town.  I am crushed.  In his almost one year of life, he has grown to know Matt, and Matt has bonded with Sidekick. When I found out I was having a boy, I was so thankful Matt would be in my son's life.  I had someone who would show him how to pee in a urinal, I had someone who would teach him to build things because Matt is so handy, and I had someone who would be a great father figure. 

They are moving in August, and as fast as Sidekick's first year of life went, these weeks leading up to the big move are going to fly by.  The thought of losing them just brings tears to my eyes.

And now, I am taking applications for a new best friend and Pseudo-Daddy...

Sidekick's Not-Quite-Birthday Birthday Party

I was stressing about doing a birthday party for Sidekick because I don't like all of the hoopla, and I don't think that presents are necessary.  My mom reminded me that there are so many people who support me and Sidekick so I should do something.  We'll be with my family for his actual birthday, but I caved and decided to do something a few weeks before his actual birthday.

Food Trucks are a big thing here, so I had his party at Food Truck night with a great playground and band.  I requested no presents, but if people wanted to, they could donate money to the charity of their choice.  I was thrilled that some people listened to me and money was donated to Nurses for Newborns and the Humane Society. Some people still brought presents and some people didn't do anything (which was perfectly fine).  It was a fun, laid back night with a sock monkey theme.  I am just a few weeks away from his actual first birthday, and it makes me so sad every time I think about it.  Where has the time gone???

Party Favors (Cookie Mix)



Smash cake will happen on his actual birthday (I promised my sister and nephews.)

He couldn't get enough of the balloons!

The Desire for #2

As my little Sidekick is nearing one year old, I am sometimes overcome with sadness that he will be my only child.  I cry at times when I realize that I'll never experience another pregnancy and another child's "firsts".  I want a second baby more than I wanted Sidekick.  I know that sounds horrible, but like any first time Mom, I was nervous about what I was getting myself into, especially being a single mom.  I loved being pregnant.  I love being a Mom. I know what I am doing, and I think I'm good at it. I love spending weekends and after work with my son.  I love experiencing life with him and through his eyes.  I love my son more than I ever imagined I could.  I love my life more now than before I had him.  I want to expand my family, but because daycare is so expensive, I can't. That just kills me that that is the only reason Sidekick will not have a sibling!  Quick, Prince Charming, come find me so that we can have a child together. Haha!  I become so sentimental when I realize how fast this first year has gone, and that I'll probably never experience another year like this again.