Sunday night, Sidekick kept telling me his legs and forehead hurt and that he was cold. I blew it off. Yesterday morning, he woke up with a fever that crept as high as 103 degrees in the evening. Aside from a few random colds, my kid has not been sick since he had a horrible case of Hand Foot and Mouth that covered him from head to toe when he was 15 months old (over two years!). He's never had a fever either, so I knew he was definitely sick this time around.
Being a SMC when having a sick kid sucks because there's no one to stay home from work besides me. I had an appointment with a school district (I work in educational sales), so I dressed him in his "work" clothes, gave him some ibuprofen, and off we went! He was so excited to go to work with me and was so well behaved. People complemented him on his "work" attire and were very sweet to him. We were in and out in about an hour, and he spent the rest of the day watching movies on the sofa (among the loudness from my basement in the midst of being under construction... electric saws, big nail guns, drilling, hammering, etc.)
Last night he had that barking cough that I've only heard about and never witnessed/experienced. It was scary because it would start while he was sleeping, and he'd start gasping for air and then panic. At one point in the middle of the night, I picked him up and carried him outside into the 22 degree cold to let him breathe, and it helped him a lot. At 5:00 AM, he walked into my bedroom to wake me up and ask me to take his temperature. (Such a grown boy.) I did and it was 101.2, so another round of meds he got. He crawled into my bed (not anything we ever do), and I laid next to what felt like a hot oven. He rolled over and stroked my hair in such a sweet, loving way and told me that even though he was sick, it was okay. And then he bark-coughed all over my face. Great. At 5:30 AM, he wanted to go back to his bed which made me happy, and he slept for another 1 1/2 hours.
I called the pediatrician who said I definitely need to bring him in. He has Croup (which I suspected). I had no milk (in addition to not having much food at all) or dog food in the house, so after the doctor, we ran to the Petsmart and Walmart to pick up some things. On the way home, we picked up his prescription for steroids and went home. I was planning on doing all the shopping yesterday after work before I picked him up from school. He has totally messed up my week.
Apparently, Croup has three bad nights, but his doctor thinks the steroids will kick in quickly. I dosed him up when we got home, we went down to see the progress on the basement, and when we came back upstairs, I noticed a puddle of his meds on the floor! He neglected to tell me he spilled some of his medicine. F**K! I remember seeing how much he had after what I thought was the remaining amount left from what he swallowed, which was really what was left after he spilled, so I have him just a couple mL more... probably not enough.
I was told Croup takes an interesting course... once the high fever hits (which was 103 for Sidekick), it can fluctuate for several days. How can I know when I can take him back to school when I think he's okay and then he spikes another fever? I called daycare to update the director and explained that I may have to keep him home all week and that there should be a donation for the parents of kids who keep their kids home when they are sick. Haha. I'd gladly contribute if it kept my child healthier. She laughed. She told me that if he stays home the entire week, they will discount the week. That is so nice of them, so rather than pay full price of the week for one, maybe two days, I'll just keep him out the entire week. If I had work appointments, I'd be forced to take him once his fever broke, but it's a slow week since schools are just getting back after winter break. Thank goodness! I have no idea what I would have done if I had a sales presentation, important meeting, etc. I would have been screwed!
Next week I travel to Florida for our national sales meeting. While I will probably get sick from Sidekick, I am eternally grateful I was here when he was sick. I know my mom would do great with him, but I'm the one that needs to take care of him, and there is no way I could focus during my meeting. My mom even said she would have been far more worried than I currently am and that would have made being away from him harder.
I have a home office which is the only thing saving me. My house is upside down with the construction on the basement. Toys that are normally in the basement are on the other two floors and my desk is now in my bedroom. Sidekick watched movies one floor below while I worked. My life is chaotic and I feel so trapped. It really is hard to be a SMC with a sick kid and no help. I don't ever ask for help from friends (call me too proud). I felt badly for dragging him out to run errands with me, but I didn't have much of a choice. He has been so incredibly good. I've commented that I really like sick Sidekick because he is less of a "Threenager". He's quite enjoyable to be around.
Once he's better, life will be interesting next week. He will have been out of school for more than a week with the New Year holiday, has more than exceeded his 30 minutes of TV he gets every day, and I'll be out of town. Could be a rough week for Grandma. I normally hate these meetings, but after this week, I am looking forward to just getting away from my sweet little boy that has been home with me 24/7 since last Thursday. Don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything, but this has been exhausting.
What a great (sarcasm) start to 2016!
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Friday, January 1, 2016
Lonely in Life
I had started a post a few days ago about Christmas, but I just didn't find it to be "right". I have more than a recap of Christmas about which to write, so for now an entry about Christmas is on the backburner, and may never make in to an official post. That's okay. I have more weighing on me right now.
I've never been a fan of holidays. They haven't usually made me happy for as long as I can remember. I've had my fair share of loneliness during the holidays... some where I've been all alone due to family "estrangement", some where I've been with my family, some where it's just been me and Sidekick. But, I've never felt "whole". This year, while my mom was here for Christmas, I felt especially lonely on New Year's Eve. I hate saying that because I have Sidekick, but I don't think he's enough for me. (Gosh, I hate putting that in writing.)
During my time of being alone (no kid/boyfriend), I always thought the holidays (and life in general) would be more fulfilling when I had a child or got married. And they are. Really, they are. But something is missing. I miss companionship. I miss sharing my life with someone other than a 3 1/2 year old. I'm jealous of the more "traditional" families surrounding me. They seem to have their own lives that we don't fit into. I feel alienated from my friends. It just feels like my world is Sidekick, work, the occasional workout/run, keeping up a house, running errands, and the occasional adventure/outing with Sidekick with or without friends joining us. That just doesn't seem like enough.
I'm at that point in my life when I feel like if I had another baby, everything would be better because I'd be so busy and happy that Sidekick had a sibling, when in fact this feeling of loneliness would just creep up on me again. I know it would. So for practicality and financial reasons, I push that thought away, but then I feel guilty that Sidekick is growing up in this world the way he is, especially with no sibling. Ugh! What is my problem????!!!
Sidekick's schedule has been wacky for a couple of weeks because of the holidays and my mom being in town, even though I've stuck with it for all but a couple of days. His napping has been hit or miss, and when he naps, he's up late. I'm fortunate that he will stay in his bed and read books until he falls asleep around 9:30, but then I feel like he should be hanging with me, even though I need my downtime. Guilt. Last night, New Year's Eve, he was exhausted, and he was asleep shortly after I put him in bed at 8:00. I spent the evening watching Netflix... alone. So depressing.
Not only is being a SMC difficult, especially now that my kid is a Threenager (and a monster because he's really difficult right now), but it's also lonely. Nights can be long and lonely. Life can be "blah" when you have a kid glued to your hip and have to think about him and his needs every waking moment. I can't be carefree and just run to the store and wander around aimlessly because Sidekick is touching everything and wanting to go his own way in the store. I can't go for a long run because I need to hire a babysitter and don't want to spend the money. I can't just pick up and go somewhere without paying attention to how close it is to a meal, nap, bedtime, etc.
Don't get me wrong... I love Sidekick more than anything in the world. I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. He has filled a hole in my heart and has taught me so much about life. But, I need more. So... for 2016, I'm going to try to change that. I'm going to try to do things that fulfill my life. I'm going to be on the lookout for a great guy to join our great little family. I'm going to find peace and happiness in everything around me. I'm going to get back to feeling like a whole person again who really does have a good life and not get wrapped up in the monotony of life. I'm going to start running again and hopefully train for another half marathon (then I stress about how I will get all the training in with Sidekick.) I don't like using the word "resolution" and I don't really like tacking the timing of these things to a new year. For my situation, it just happened to be timely to a new year. (If that makes sense.)
I just need to be reminded that during horrible temper tantrums, a dirty house, a stressful job, and everything else that we deal with on a daily basis, there really is more to all of that that can make me feel complete. Thankfully, a kiss out of the blue from Sidekick always brings a smile to my face. It really is the little things, and I just need to get back to appreciating them while doing something along the way that makes me happy.
I've never been a fan of holidays. They haven't usually made me happy for as long as I can remember. I've had my fair share of loneliness during the holidays... some where I've been all alone due to family "estrangement", some where I've been with my family, some where it's just been me and Sidekick. But, I've never felt "whole". This year, while my mom was here for Christmas, I felt especially lonely on New Year's Eve. I hate saying that because I have Sidekick, but I don't think he's enough for me. (Gosh, I hate putting that in writing.)
During my time of being alone (no kid/boyfriend), I always thought the holidays (and life in general) would be more fulfilling when I had a child or got married. And they are. Really, they are. But something is missing. I miss companionship. I miss sharing my life with someone other than a 3 1/2 year old. I'm jealous of the more "traditional" families surrounding me. They seem to have their own lives that we don't fit into. I feel alienated from my friends. It just feels like my world is Sidekick, work, the occasional workout/run, keeping up a house, running errands, and the occasional adventure/outing with Sidekick with or without friends joining us. That just doesn't seem like enough.
I'm at that point in my life when I feel like if I had another baby, everything would be better because I'd be so busy and happy that Sidekick had a sibling, when in fact this feeling of loneliness would just creep up on me again. I know it would. So for practicality and financial reasons, I push that thought away, but then I feel guilty that Sidekick is growing up in this world the way he is, especially with no sibling. Ugh! What is my problem????!!!
Sidekick's schedule has been wacky for a couple of weeks because of the holidays and my mom being in town, even though I've stuck with it for all but a couple of days. His napping has been hit or miss, and when he naps, he's up late. I'm fortunate that he will stay in his bed and read books until he falls asleep around 9:30, but then I feel like he should be hanging with me, even though I need my downtime. Guilt. Last night, New Year's Eve, he was exhausted, and he was asleep shortly after I put him in bed at 8:00. I spent the evening watching Netflix... alone. So depressing.
Not only is being a SMC difficult, especially now that my kid is a Threenager (and a monster because he's really difficult right now), but it's also lonely. Nights can be long and lonely. Life can be "blah" when you have a kid glued to your hip and have to think about him and his needs every waking moment. I can't be carefree and just run to the store and wander around aimlessly because Sidekick is touching everything and wanting to go his own way in the store. I can't go for a long run because I need to hire a babysitter and don't want to spend the money. I can't just pick up and go somewhere without paying attention to how close it is to a meal, nap, bedtime, etc.
Don't get me wrong... I love Sidekick more than anything in the world. I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. He has filled a hole in my heart and has taught me so much about life. But, I need more. So... for 2016, I'm going to try to change that. I'm going to try to do things that fulfill my life. I'm going to be on the lookout for a great guy to join our great little family. I'm going to find peace and happiness in everything around me. I'm going to get back to feeling like a whole person again who really does have a good life and not get wrapped up in the monotony of life. I'm going to start running again and hopefully train for another half marathon (then I stress about how I will get all the training in with Sidekick.) I don't like using the word "resolution" and I don't really like tacking the timing of these things to a new year. For my situation, it just happened to be timely to a new year. (If that makes sense.)
I just need to be reminded that during horrible temper tantrums, a dirty house, a stressful job, and everything else that we deal with on a daily basis, there really is more to all of that that can make me feel complete. Thankfully, a kiss out of the blue from Sidekick always brings a smile to my face. It really is the little things, and I just need to get back to appreciating them while doing something along the way that makes me happy.
Happy New Year, everyone! May 2016 be everything that you are looking for. What are some things that you will focus on in 2016?
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