Just Breathe

I can honestly say that there have been very few times since Sidekick was born 17 months ago that I have felt very overwhelmed, exhausted, or feeling like everything is "unfinished" and for that, I am so grateful.  The downside of that is when I am truly feeling the above, it hits me like a ton of bricks.  I am currently feeling all of the above.

I've previously written about my job, and that has finally gotten figured out.  I am an account executive for the entire state (kind of a different "division" than the other account executives in my state).  Sadly, one of the account executives who has the most populated part of the state went on long term disability in August because he has ALS and it has progressed so rapidly.  We know he's not going to come back, but he is trying to get as much insurance as he can, hence the long term disability.  Since I was well above my sales goal, my manager asked me to "cover" his territory which added to my workload.  I accepted the challenge and did well with it, but doing the job of two people has been tough. 

When the company did a reorganization, one account executive from a different division was basically moved into my territory... the territory where I am currently sitting at 154% of my sales goal  WTF, right?  No one told me or my manager.  I found out through the grapevine.  Whatever.  I continued doing my current job (not with the best attitude) which won't be my job come January 1st and covering the other territory all without knowing where my job would be.   There had been discussion to divide the territory I'm currently covering amongst two other account executives which then leaves me, the one at 154% of my sales goal, without a job! All along, I was "reassured" that there would be a job for me SOMEWHERE, and I was afraid I would be forced to move.  In the end, four long weeks later, I was given the territory that I am currently covering because as we have always known, that account executive will not be coming back.  Let me just say that I did not want this territory for many reasons, so I am not voluntarily embracing this news as of yet.  I loved my "current" territory.  While my new territory is much smaller which is nice, it's also a feast or famine territory, and one big loss (I'm in sales) could really hurt me.  Nothing like that kind of pressure looming over my head day in and day out.  I hate that.

Back to where I began... I'm exhausted, spent, burnt out, and feeling like I'm never on top of things.  I've been done with Christmas presents for a couple of months. I've always been that way.  I start shopping way in advance so I don't feel the pressure of it all, including the financial aspect.  I've already set up a precedence that Christmas will not be out of control, and I'll stick to it.  Sidekick is getting three small presents from me/Santa and two books for his stocking.  He'll get stuff from my sister and Mom, but I've requested that they keep it simple, even though my sister doesn't with her kids.  I hate that Christmas is so commercial. I do. I think it's just natural that for whatever reason, the holidays make people stressed. 

Back to where I began... I'm exhausted, spent,... have I already written that?  Haha!  We are leaving town for Christmas and my entire immediate family will be together (we all live in different states).  I'm a bit stressed about flying with Sidekick and keeping him occupied, packing, travelling, etc. 

Finally, this little guy is wearing me out!!!  I've never felt this run down... really. I'm tired of people telling me that Sidekick is so good.  I'm not denying that at all, but doing it by myself in addition to laundry, cleaning, shopping, working, etc. is exhausting.  Period!  He is one busy little dude, and he never stops. 

In between all of the daily grind, I need to find time to go to physical therapy for my two bulged discs and SI joint problem and find time to work out.  Yep!  I am stretched too thin, and I need a break.

I realize this is a whiny post, and I apologize.  Married people don't get it, and a lot of people who read this are single and get it.  My home is a mess (not normal), I can barely stay up past 10:00 (not normal), and I find myself getting impatient with stupid things (like why must that woman who lives on the other side of my building park on my side of the building and take up a parking spot).

I am so hoping being with my family and my nephews who are older than Sidekick and love to play with him, will give me a little break.  I have got to pull myself together and regroup because I'm kind of feeling lost among the chaos called "life".

I love Sidekick and through the stress and exhaustion, I've never once regretted being a SMC.  It's still the best thing I've ever done, and I know this too shall pass. 

Silly Question: Food Related

Sidekick has always, and I mean always, been a great eater.  There's nothing this kid won't eat.  Last time my sister saw him when he had just turned one, she was bound a determined to find something he wouldn't eat.  She failed... he ate everything she put in front of him.  He's been eating table food since he was 10 1/2 months old, and since then, he pretty much eats what I eat.  Only sometimes do I fix him something different and that's usually because there isn't food for me, so I'll eat a bowl of cereal (my absolute favorite!).  Anyway, Friday nights are our typical take-n-bake pizza from our favorite place.  I pick up the pizza, pick him up from school, and then pop the pizza in the oven. It's our Friday night routine. 

Here's my question... is it okay for him to NOT have vegetables with dinner?  He loves veggies, but sometimes I just want to cook the pizza and not worry about anything else.  Must he have fruit with breakfast and fruit and veggies with lunch and dinner?  Why do I feel so guilty if I skip veggies/fruit one night?  I rarely eat veggies even though he has them every night, and I think I've been okay thus far.  So... does he need fruit and veggies for two meals a day, or can I lose my Mommy guilt and feel okay skipping them once a week?  Seriously... what is my problem with this "decision"???????

He's Got the Moves...

Now that it is too cold to play outside after dinner, we have resorted to having a dance party after dinner every night at 6:00.  Sidekick loves music, but he loves "my" music more than "his" music.  He actually prefers the songs on my iPod to which I listen while running or working out.  He will shake his head if he doesn't like a song.  This particular song has always been a favorite of his for whatever reason.  We used to dance together while listening but tonight he chose to dance on his own. He's growing up too fast and getting so independent.  To be footloose and fancy free again...

"Sometimes you just gotta' poop anywhere."

... said the momma to her son after he freaked out because he pooped in the bathtub.  I literally walked away for 10 seconds.  Before you call DCFS... Sidekick's bedroom is right next to his bathroom, so I quickly went to grab his towel.  He had this strange scream/cry so when I went back to the bathroom, I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  He pointed at the water in the bathtub in hysterics as some of the poop was rising to the surface while some was stuck to the bottom (or course it could be really "solid" poop!)  I immediately thought "Crap" (haha), he must have my stomach bug that I had last week because it's not his "normal" time to poop.

While he was upset, I literally just looked at him while trying to figure out what my next move should be.  Do I scoop the poop right away?  Take him out of the tub?  Wash him in the sink? Drain the tub?  It felt like I stared at him and the bathtub for ten minutes, but it was for sure at least a minute. I think I was in a trance.  I just couldn't process what had happened.  I couldn't move my feet to do what should be done next.  I was literally dumbfounded. 

And that, my friends, is one for the baby book!  Did I just write an entire post about poop????

Has this Happened to your Kid's Diaper?

Lately, some of Sidekicks nighttime diapers seem to fall apart in the morning when I take them off.  (I think perhaps "fall apart" is a bit of understatement!)  As soon as I undid the tabs, Sidekick was covered in the "gel" and it just all fell out of the sides. I've always kind of blown this off, but today I decided to take a picture and make a phone call to the company.  (I hadn't moved anything except Sidekick):

 

When I called the company, I was reassured this is something that is not acceptable by company standards (no shit!) and that the "gel" has been tested and is not harmful to my child (that's good to know!).  Interestingly enough, the person with whom I spoke didn't seem shocked that I was telling her this. To be nice, the company will mail me some coupons.  I appreciate that. I really do as we all know how expensive diapers are. 

 

Of course I went on with my day and never threw the diaper away until I got Sidekick ready for his bath tonight.  Oops!  It was quite a mess to clean up because this "gel" is like a wet powder that kind of clumps together and seems to just spread everywhere.  I'm still pretty amazed this happened!