I'm not Afraid to Admit It

I didn't like my son very much today.  Of course I love him, but today was a really tough day, and I don't know what happened to my perfect baby.  Okay, yes I do, and I only have myself to blame.  We were at my friends' house last night, and Sidekick fell asleep on the way home (we left at about 7:20).  When that happens, I  know I'm in trouble for at least the next 24 hours.  He woke up as soon as I took him out of his car seat and appeared to be pretty rejuvenated. (Great... sarcastically she types.)  I quickly and quietly put him in his PJs and gave him a bottle, but he laid awake in his crib until 9:00 (he is normally is asleep by 7:00).  That ten minute power nap really messed him up!

He woke up at his usual time, 7:00 AM, and I didn't go to him because I knew he need a little more rest.  He turned on his mobile and laid watching it for about another 30 or so minutes at which point I saw/heard, via the monitor, him standing in his crib yelling.  He was a mess from the minute I got him.  He was so crabby and while he needed to go down for a morning nap (he gave that up a couple of months ago), I knew if I did that, it would mess up his entire day. I couldn't get anything done today (laundry, cleaning floors, cleaning up his crap, dishes, etc.) because he wouldn't let me leave his side for a moment!  Every time I walked away, he screamed until he found me. Nothing made him happy.  Sidekick continued to mess up my home as no toy made him happy.  I somehow kept him going until 11:00, and he started falling asleep while eating lunch.

He woke up after two short hours.  I was pretty sure he'd sleep longer because he was so tired.  No such luck.  Again, he was crabby and screamed and cried if I was out of sight. I got so frustrated with him, that I put him back in his crib for about 30 minutes.  The kid needed some quiet time.  He turned on his mobile, snuggled with his monkey friend, and quietly laid in his crib.  I thought he'd be in a better mood after that.  Nope!  Crabby Sidekick was still hanging around.

We met my friends (who are moving) at the park because we had to get out or I was going to lose my mind!  On the way, I got a horrible migraine that messed up my vision.  I stopped at a Wendy's that had the longest drive-thru line (at 3:30 in the afternoon) so I could get some caffeine in me. Of course when we got to the park, Sidekick was so happy!  He swung for a long time, crawled around, and ate dinner. I got him buckled in his car seat seconds before a torrential downpour began. 

We headed to Target to get some diapers and of course he was a perfect angel.  He waved at people he saw, squealed in delight at whatever he saw and liked, and learned to make "raspberries" which made him laugh.  On the drive home, I did everything I could to keep him awake because I didn't want a repeat of last night.  He was in the bath and asleep before 7:00.

This was the longest day ever!  I know my child thrives on a schedule, and when I alter it, we both pay for it. Thankfully, he giggled in my arms tonight while I rocked him, and he lovingly stroked my face (something he used to do when he was younger).  He didn't seem to hate me even though I showed him my frustration all day.  I laid him in his crib and he quickly closed his eyes. Even though I didn't like my son for most of the day, I am still filled with this amazing amount of love for him despite his far from wonderful day.  I guess that's what unconditional love means.  I hope that the next time a day like this happens (because it will happen), I will keep calmer and not let his crabbiness upset me so much.  (Have I previously written that?)  After all, he's just a little guy who is just trying to tell me in the only way he can that he's having an "off" day.  We all have "off" days (only I feel like I never can anymore. That's another thing to write about at another time).

As I'm just about to "publish" this, Sidekick started screaming. And so begins what I hope won't be a long night.  This momma needs some peace and quiet!

Tomorrow is a new day (and it better be a good one!).

Sidekick's Pseudo-Daddy is Moving out of State

I always knew that if I was lucky enough to get pregnant, my best friend's husband would be a great role model for Sidekick.  Because of a job transfer, my best friend, Sidekick's Pseudo-Daddy, and their kids are moving out of town.  I am crushed.  In his almost one year of life, he has grown to know Matt, and Matt has bonded with Sidekick. When I found out I was having a boy, I was so thankful Matt would be in my son's life.  I had someone who would show him how to pee in a urinal, I had someone who would teach him to build things because Matt is so handy, and I had someone who would be a great father figure. 

They are moving in August, and as fast as Sidekick's first year of life went, these weeks leading up to the big move are going to fly by.  The thought of losing them just brings tears to my eyes.

And now, I am taking applications for a new best friend and Pseudo-Daddy...

Sidekick's Not-Quite-Birthday Birthday Party

I was stressing about doing a birthday party for Sidekick because I don't like all of the hoopla, and I don't think that presents are necessary.  My mom reminded me that there are so many people who support me and Sidekick so I should do something.  We'll be with my family for his actual birthday, but I caved and decided to do something a few weeks before his actual birthday.

Food Trucks are a big thing here, so I had his party at Food Truck night with a great playground and band.  I requested no presents, but if people wanted to, they could donate money to the charity of their choice.  I was thrilled that some people listened to me and money was donated to Nurses for Newborns and the Humane Society. Some people still brought presents and some people didn't do anything (which was perfectly fine).  It was a fun, laid back night with a sock monkey theme.  I am just a few weeks away from his actual first birthday, and it makes me so sad every time I think about it.  Where has the time gone???

Party Favors (Cookie Mix)



Smash cake will happen on his actual birthday (I promised my sister and nephews.)

He couldn't get enough of the balloons!

The Desire for #2

As my little Sidekick is nearing one year old, I am sometimes overcome with sadness that he will be my only child.  I cry at times when I realize that I'll never experience another pregnancy and another child's "firsts".  I want a second baby more than I wanted Sidekick.  I know that sounds horrible, but like any first time Mom, I was nervous about what I was getting myself into, especially being a single mom.  I loved being pregnant.  I love being a Mom. I know what I am doing, and I think I'm good at it. I love spending weekends and after work with my son.  I love experiencing life with him and through his eyes.  I love my son more than I ever imagined I could.  I love my life more now than before I had him.  I want to expand my family, but because daycare is so expensive, I can't. That just kills me that that is the only reason Sidekick will not have a sibling!  Quick, Prince Charming, come find me so that we can have a child together. Haha!  I become so sentimental when I realize how fast this first year has gone, and that I'll probably never experience another year like this again. 

Regrets of a First Time Momma

As my little Sidekick's first birthday is rapidly approaching, I find myself being nostalgic about everything, and oftentimes, things bring tears to my eyes because everything is going so fast. Sidekick's first year of life has been better than I ever expected, but looking back I have a few regrets:

1. I regret being so consumed by everything that I had to get done that I didn't nap (I can count on two hands how many times I've napped in Sidekick's almost 11 months of life.)  Nonetheless, I had a clean home, laundry wasn't piling up, dishes weren't in the sink, and my dog got daily walks.

2.  I regret not eating more and pumping in the middle of the night to increase my milk production.  Breastfeeding was rough because I had to supplement almost immediately.  When Sidekick started sleeping eight hours straight at four weeks old, instead of getting up in the middle of the night to pump, I chose sleep.  Maybe eating more and pumping more would have helped my milk production, but who knows!  In the end, I breastfed/pumped for five months which I guess is better than nothing. 

3.  Piggy backing off of #1 above, I regret not snuggling in my bed (or anywhere) with my baby.  I had so much to do to keep up my home and was so strict on where my baby slept, that I didn't take advantage of these special moments because when he slept, I put him down.  When I realized I missed out on this (he was about five months old), I started letting him take his morning nap in my bed while I snuggled with him once in a while.  In the end, I have a great sleeper which makes this Momma happy. 

4.  I regret not taking more pictures. I am almost done with his "First Year of Life" Shutterfly album, and it doesn't have very many pictures.  It'll be about 25-30 pages which just doesn't seem like a lot. Plus, there are very few pictures of us together. But hey, he has an album that captures great memories and that's more than I can say as I seem to not have one for myself.  : )

I guess if I've only have a few regrets, then I must not be doing too badly! These are things that I cannot change, but sometimes they can tug at my heart strings.  I wanted to acknowledge these things now so that on his first birthday, I will celebrate his awesome first year of life with no regrets (but with a little sadness as it is all going way too fast)! 

What regrets do you have?

Mother's Day...

A year ago, my little Sidekick was kicking me from the inside, and I wondered who he was and what he would be like.  I never imagined that he would be as perfect and wonderful as he is.  He's a mover and a shaker now (just like he was a year ago).  He's a happy and funny little guy. He is an easy going little guy.  He is an independent little guy.  He is better than I could have ever hoped and prayed for. 

While other Moms are being treated to wonderful things by their husbands, I still have an infant to take care of, laundry to do, and cleaning to do, and you know what?  I wouldn't change any of it!  My little sidekick chose me to be his mom and without him, I wouldn't be celebrating this day with boogers/snot on my shoulder, frozen pancakes for breakfast, and reading books to him in my bed before nap.  My life feels complete, and my missing link, Sidekick, has enabled me to see this day in a different light.  Happy Mother's Day! 

Never Thought I'd get a Phone Call Like This...

Whenever daycare's phone number comes up on my caller ID, I always say a little swear in my head (okay, I usually say it out loud to myself).  Today was no exception especially since it's a really bad work week and Sidekick was sick last week, so I need him to stay healthy this week.
 
The director asked if I had carpet in my home.  I said I did in some of the rooms, and I immediately thought that Sidekick must have some type of rug burn on his legs from army crawling.  There was a pause, and then, "Well, the girls called me in to look at Sidekick's diaper, and there was a piece of the rug!"  Yep!  My boy pooped out a piece of rug!   

I busted laughing and said, "His body must have been craving fiber."  I know exactly what happened and where it came from.  The rug in my entry way seems to "shed" a lot since my dog, Macey, likes to "bunch" it all up and lay on it.  The carpet fibers seem to always come loose, and as often as I pick them up, I clearly missed one, but Sidekick didn't.  I must not forget to mention that the carpet fibers are about two inches long! 

It's nice to know that my boy's digestive system is working well.  It's also a reminder that I need a new rug. 

Just a Couple of Videos

Sidekick and I are finally healthy! He's constantly cruising around my condo, getting into everything, and is as busy as he can be. His favorite toy is one of my Dog's toy (seen in video) and her basket of toys. Why buy him toys if he prefers to play with Dog's stuff? (At least Dog got smarter in the second video!)

 

 

Bad Momma Instincts. Sick Little Sidekick.

Sometimes my motherly instincts don't kick in fast enough.  This past weekend was one of those times.  We had a baby shower to attend immediately followed by my colleagues retirement party on Saturday.  I knew I would be in trouble when my little 
Sidekick got messed up with his nap schedule (he's always been a very scheduled baby and he messed it up himself).  I was so excited to "show off" Sidekick at the retirement party because several people hadn't met him and a few hadn't seen him in a long time. I was even thinking that this party would allow me to have a bit a break because people would want to hold him, and I could enjoy an alcoholic beverage and some food. 

When I was pregnant, I kept telling people that I "ordered" the perfect baby (they always laughed at me).  After his was born, I was convinced that my order was correct because he really is a perfect baby.  For some reason, my perfect baby disappeared at the retirement party!  When we got to there, he was so crabby and upset and was literally inconsolable. I had no idea whose baby I brought, but I immediately wanted to do a "switch out".  He is beginning to get shy around people, so I thought it was that, but when I couldn't even make him happy, I had no idea where my perfect baby was!  I was embarrassed that my child was behaving that way (even though it didn't phase anyone at the party). 

We left the party after about an hour and when I got home, I quickly put him in his PJs, gave him a bottle, and laid him in his crib, and he immediately began screaming.  I was so frustrated that I couldn't do anything "right".  I realized at that moment, I had lost control of my baby.  I let him cry it out for a bit, all to no avail.  I finally went to him and rocked him to sleep (which I've never done because unless he fell asleep while eating, I always put him in his crib awake).  I realized that he is growing up so fast, so I just held him for a long time and savored his sweet smell and the warmth of his little body.

He woke up every hour on the hour for several hours. This made me crazy because he started sleeping eight hours straight when he was four weeks old (I know, lucky!), so I don't know what to do when he wakes up in the middle of the night. He got himself back to sleep all of the times but the last one when he was sitting up in his crib, sucking his two fingers, and crying.  It broke my heart.  I went to him and brought him into my bed (another thing I don't do) and just held him.  On a side note, I don't know how people can let their kids sleep with them in the bed.  I was so terrified that I would drift off to sleep and somehow something bad would happen to him.

I finally got him into a deep sleep, so I transferred him to his crib.  When he woke up the next morning, I went into his room and was overcome by an awful stench!  My sweet baby had the nastiest diaper ever.  And so began our two days with some horrible stomach bug. Poor little guy was so miserable at the party because he was getting sick.  I should know that because last time he wasn't himself, he was sick.  Ugh!  Why can't I remember stuff like that?  Come on, Motherly Instincts, be more obvious!

As if having a sick little guy wasn't enough... he shared his lovely germs with me, so I had to take care of both of us for two days.  I just wanted to lay on my sofa all by myself in misery.  Instead, my little Sidekick's needs came first, which is the way it should be, but man, it's tough being a single momma when I am sick!  (I'm making a mental note in my thick skull about this so that if/when my little Sidekick behaves unlike himself again, it might be because he is getting sick!)

We are on the road to recovery, and while his staple food has been Puffs because that is all he would eat, he must relearn that that is not the one of the necessary food groups in order to survive.  He already fought me on that today when I begged him to eat some bananas!  Stubborn little guy... must get that from the Donor... hahaha!

My Overwhelming Joy when Watching my Son's new Discovery!

It was a beautiful day today, so instead of going to the gym or going for a run, I decided to pick up my little Sidekick early from school and go to the park.  Last time we went (which was his first time), he went on the swing and had so much fun.  This time I decided to introduce him to the slide.  I never knew how much joy I would get by watching my son experience something that seems so run of the mill to me!  This little daredevil is going to give me a run for my money!  I will treasure moments like this forever...